I really should start jotting down what I pick up over reading webcomics nowadays, the morals learned seemed to not make sense but yet it does in the right moment.
1) Maturity is knowing that you were an idiot in the past
2) Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future
3) Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now
My contribution - we're probably being idiotic at sometime in our life then.
23 July 2009
22 July 2009
Restart
A series of incidents finally came and passed like a storm, I'll spare the details but everything's back the way it should have been. I'm suddenly so nostalgic about my time left as a free man because I'm about to sell two years of my life to the country as I'll be serving National Service on this Friday onwards. The weeks before has been nothing but outings, in fact more than I could ever count since the start of this year.
I've been hanging out with close friends, making new friends and spending money - hey nobody said going out was cheap. Well, the price was taking my social circle to the next level which I'm glad to say at least that it's not regrettable. It really does my heart good that people will be missing me at least while I complete seven weeks of BMT on the island offshore. Although I personally think my mom is over exaggerating about how much she would miss me for not seeing me for a whole two weeks (we're not allowed to go home in the first two weeks). She's always saying how I'm not really independent yet she clearly doesn't want to let go of her apron strings, it's a real irony but that's a mother's love.
Tekong, the name of the island, is going to be a brand new start in my life once again. Feels like starting on the first day of primary school all over again; totally no idea what's in store ahead, the people you'll meet, the challenges ahead. Heck, the island's infamous for a lot of hauntings, that's another hefty worry that will scare the pants out of any light hearted souls. And what's worst is that my seven week BMT coincides with the Hungry Ghost Festival, so I also hope everything goes bodes well for me. When it comes to the supernatural, the only two survival advice comes to mind:
1) Respect others - Ghosts are still considered an individual, have respect for them and they are not likely to bother you
2) Don't find unnecessary trouble - With regards to the previous point plus, if there's an unclean area, be cautious and not let the overly adventurous spirit take over
3) Carry a strong heart - As long you are pure of heart, there's really nothing to fear about
When people said Polytechnic was the place where you had to grow up fast, in comparison, NS was like the place it prepares you to live your own fast. After two years of this, I expect probably an overhaul to basically everything about me. I'm always wishing if it's ever possible to meet up with your older self in advance to find out if everything's going alright for one.
I'm actually feeling a little bit excited for once again in my life.
I've been hanging out with close friends, making new friends and spending money - hey nobody said going out was cheap. Well, the price was taking my social circle to the next level which I'm glad to say at least that it's not regrettable. It really does my heart good that people will be missing me at least while I complete seven weeks of BMT on the island offshore. Although I personally think my mom is over exaggerating about how much she would miss me for not seeing me for a whole two weeks (we're not allowed to go home in the first two weeks). She's always saying how I'm not really independent yet she clearly doesn't want to let go of her apron strings, it's a real irony but that's a mother's love.
Tekong, the name of the island, is going to be a brand new start in my life once again. Feels like starting on the first day of primary school all over again; totally no idea what's in store ahead, the people you'll meet, the challenges ahead. Heck, the island's infamous for a lot of hauntings, that's another hefty worry that will scare the pants out of any light hearted souls. And what's worst is that my seven week BMT coincides with the Hungry Ghost Festival, so I also hope everything goes bodes well for me. When it comes to the supernatural, the only two survival advice comes to mind:
1) Respect others - Ghosts are still considered an individual, have respect for them and they are not likely to bother you
2) Don't find unnecessary trouble - With regards to the previous point plus, if there's an unclean area, be cautious and not let the overly adventurous spirit take over
3) Carry a strong heart - As long you are pure of heart, there's really nothing to fear about
When people said Polytechnic was the place where you had to grow up fast, in comparison, NS was like the place it prepares you to live your own fast. After two years of this, I expect probably an overhaul to basically everything about me. I'm always wishing if it's ever possible to meet up with your older self in advance to find out if everything's going alright for one.
I'm actually feeling a little bit excited for once again in my life.
13 July 2009
It's no surprise
After waiting for seemingly an eternity, I rose to bait by replying to the SMS. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all, even though I tried as possible to make a sincere apology and an even-headed message warranting for peace between both parties. I had a churn in the gut and couldn't sleep well the same night.
Not surprising, I never received any replies since and it's been a few days. B should be still on his top.
I never felt so empty in my entire whole existence, I must have blown it pretty big because I'm finally being hated and expressed it by someone close. I was never in the shoes of being hated seeing how I could use the word "I hate..." easily and was even in a feud with my very own sibiling for a few years, to the point I haven't spoken to ever since. Though the tension has died, but a few years of absence has driven communication to a sizzle, it's like I'm already no longer familiar to her despite living in the same house.
Would that be the ultimate future between me and B?
Seeking for advice and solace, I seeked for A and another friend whom we're close to which I'll name, C. The thing is also, A and C also had a couple of rough days with B recent of the late. But both has already emerged unscathed today except for me. It seems like time could heal all wounds, but can it heal all scars? For one bad comparison is that my severity is not on the same level as theirs. And also seeing A's situation, it doesn't seem B would give him up after all. That was something I'm thankfully relieved for.
It wasn't before long when I figured out B's next course of action - I got blocked on MSN. After not seemingly being able to see him online over a course of a few days, I asked A out of curiosity whether is B online. Not surprisingly, A told me in that B's status is online but doesn't reply when he speaks to him. My heart sunk a bit deeper but at least I was able to confirm one fact again.
Time and time again, I was given hope and then seemed to be snatched from it again. If this was a form of punishment too, I'll gladly think it's enough because it's really heart wrenching. Today he uploaded a recent blogpost and after reading it initially I was crumbled but then I realized he was referring to another person. The scary coincidence here is about the sensitive trigger as well so I can't confirm he's not talking about me either. I know I may be scaring myself too much, but I really cannot bear the thought of it that it might come to this way. I'm currently drowning my mood into music therapy, with a couple of strangely aptly named mp3 in my list....
I'm just going to take things in my stride now, and leave most of it to Fate and time. In time, even the scars would feel no more pain, just becoming a reminder it happened and we lived it through
Not surprising, I never received any replies since and it's been a few days. B should be still on his top.
I never felt so empty in my entire whole existence, I must have blown it pretty big because I'm finally being hated and expressed it by someone close. I was never in the shoes of being hated seeing how I could use the word "I hate..." easily and was even in a feud with my very own sibiling for a few years, to the point I haven't spoken to ever since. Though the tension has died, but a few years of absence has driven communication to a sizzle, it's like I'm already no longer familiar to her despite living in the same house.
Would that be the ultimate future between me and B?
Seeking for advice and solace, I seeked for A and another friend whom we're close to which I'll name, C. The thing is also, A and C also had a couple of rough days with B recent of the late. But both has already emerged unscathed today except for me. It seems like time could heal all wounds, but can it heal all scars? For one bad comparison is that my severity is not on the same level as theirs. And also seeing A's situation, it doesn't seem B would give him up after all. That was something I'm thankfully relieved for.
It wasn't before long when I figured out B's next course of action - I got blocked on MSN. After not seemingly being able to see him online over a course of a few days, I asked A out of curiosity whether is B online. Not surprisingly, A told me in that B's status is online but doesn't reply when he speaks to him. My heart sunk a bit deeper but at least I was able to confirm one fact again.
Time and time again, I was given hope and then seemed to be snatched from it again. If this was a form of punishment too, I'll gladly think it's enough because it's really heart wrenching. Today he uploaded a recent blogpost and after reading it initially I was crumbled but then I realized he was referring to another person. The scary coincidence here is about the sensitive trigger as well so I can't confirm he's not talking about me either. I know I may be scaring myself too much, but I really cannot bear the thought of it that it might come to this way. I'm currently drowning my mood into music therapy, with a couple of strangely aptly named mp3 in my list....
- No Surprise - Daughtry
- Over You - Daughtry
- Over It - Katherine McPhee
- Over - Lindsay Lohan
- Fuck You - Lily Allen
I'm just going to take things in my stride now, and leave most of it to Fate and time. In time, even the scars would feel no more pain, just becoming a reminder it happened and we lived it through
11 July 2009
Spiralling Down
The title has never been more apt for today's entry. Indeed, my friendship, decisions and attitude is spiralling a relationship out of control to no return, in a bad way. I'll just name him 'B' and another friend of ours involved, 'A'.
B has been a close friend since a few years ago, so by know I already knew how his temperament is like already though I have no idea he knows about mine. Basically, he can be a good friend but at the same time, a nasty enemy too though if you don't bug him he won't bug you. That aside, he's a fun person to hang along, a very emotional and melodramatic person - to the point anger and depression can really wrack his nerves. Pretty much, it also means he's quick to anger/sadden though he doesn't hold grudges for long. He really brings sensitivity to the next level, very straightforward, so it's obvious that whatever you think and do, make sure one thinks it through yes?
A is a friend both of us knew, though he knew B first and they're literally close as brothers. Being older, naturally B really cares a lot about A. It's only recently that I got to knew A through B as well, but our friendship is no way comparable to the level of A and B itself. He's a very fun person to hang about, everything he does he really wants to make everyone happy. Though sometimes his incessant jokes might generally make people laugh or annoy a little. And whenever he gets hooked to a new pet phrase, he usually keeps speaking about it non-stop, like his current pet phrase - "Pork".
Well here goes the story...
Through the recent outing, I learned that A doesn't understand or speak Chinese or any dialects despite being a chinese and living in Singapore. I decided to teach him a bit of Hokkien out of interest for fun, and part of it allowing him to understand if he's being insulted or not - so hence, we begun with Hokkien vulgarities. Not surprisingly, he beguns to use a couple of them incessantly. And this soon travelled to B's ears so B rang me up about this issue. Apparently, I have no idea that A is also under B's responsibility, so if A's mother realized he has picked up something unhealthy and bad just by hanging out with B, B would be in for hell and who knows what kind of predicament. Not taking it seriously, I countered with some insensitive and irresponsible remarks that I have soon forgotten about, and I don't wish to remember either.
That was a really bad move.
I apologized in exasperation and after that we cut contact for a while. And after a day or two after the incident, I was in MSN video call with A. We're just talking about random topics and particularly discussing why there was a need for using a video call over a conversation that was easily accomplishable over MSN itself. My webcam/microphone on my laptop wasn't working anyway so it was one sided meaning I could see and hear A but he could not do otherwise. Out of the blue, his phone rang and it turned out to be B. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but then his microphone was still turned on and I was still faced with A talking to B in front of me. And it wasn't long before I realized where the conversation between A and B was going to - me.
Feeling a bit upset, disturbed, confused and refusing to hear further, I aplogized hastily for eavesdropping and disconnected the video call. A also realized this and had tried to go somewhere else to talk before I disconnected. After a while, A apologized to me that I had to hear that, I tried to ignore the conversation and assured I was fine. And all the while, B has no idea that his phone call had occurred in between our video call, and I wished things stayed that way. But trouble was far from over...
Today, after I came home from dinner, my sister passed me back my handphone stating about a serious SMS and phone call I had received earlier. She had brought out my phone for an occasion so I was unable to access my handphone for a few hours. I had a sick gut feeling about the message and guessed it was from B.
It was indeed.
Fear and tension wrapped all over me as I read it, in fact it sounded more like an ultimatum than just a message of explanation. Being the straightforward person he is, he had no problem conveying whatever he wished to speak of. Not surprisingly, my remarks from back then still irked him to the core, and it was so bad to the point - whenever A mentioned me in front of B, he can't help but be pissed off. It's implied he's also a bit jealous of me, I have no wish or whatsoever of replacing B's place in A's life and I certainly know A knew that B is irreplaceable as well. As of now - this is what I saw from the ultimatum...
"He can choose his friends and if feels u are way better, I will let him go."
I never had a spine chill for a while, and just reading this line sends horror all over me. I knew he was sensitive and I was rude and in the wrong for capitalizing on his responsibility but I was shocked at this. It's almost I'm forced to come to a simple decision:
That is to stop being friends with A.
I value both our friendships, both A and B and I definitely didn't want anything to go awry between A and B because of me. I'm extremely torn and confused between the two, what seemed just a sentence had a tremendous impact over me, exaggerating it might sound but this is truly how I felt. I have no one else to turn to, save for another friend who I wanted to be a listener and possibly give me some sound advice. And if I shared this with A or another friend we both knew, it seems like I'm to the verge of being pathetic to seek sympathy votes to change his mind. I really have no evil intentions here, but simply just for things to return to normal, but given the state of current affairs, it seems like it's extremely difficult to.
In a small way I'm glad my sister brought out by handphone so I didn't have access to his phone call because I would be frightenned at what he's going to voice out, or what I'm expected to respond. At this juncture, I have refrained from contact with him...I'm scared to, I don't want to face the conclusion.
What am I supposed to do?
B has been a close friend since a few years ago, so by know I already knew how his temperament is like already though I have no idea he knows about mine. Basically, he can be a good friend but at the same time, a nasty enemy too though if you don't bug him he won't bug you. That aside, he's a fun person to hang along, a very emotional and melodramatic person - to the point anger and depression can really wrack his nerves. Pretty much, it also means he's quick to anger/sadden though he doesn't hold grudges for long. He really brings sensitivity to the next level, very straightforward, so it's obvious that whatever you think and do, make sure one thinks it through yes?
A is a friend both of us knew, though he knew B first and they're literally close as brothers. Being older, naturally B really cares a lot about A. It's only recently that I got to knew A through B as well, but our friendship is no way comparable to the level of A and B itself. He's a very fun person to hang about, everything he does he really wants to make everyone happy. Though sometimes his incessant jokes might generally make people laugh or annoy a little. And whenever he gets hooked to a new pet phrase, he usually keeps speaking about it non-stop, like his current pet phrase - "Pork".
Well here goes the story...
Through the recent outing, I learned that A doesn't understand or speak Chinese or any dialects despite being a chinese and living in Singapore. I decided to teach him a bit of Hokkien out of interest for fun, and part of it allowing him to understand if he's being insulted or not - so hence, we begun with Hokkien vulgarities. Not surprisingly, he beguns to use a couple of them incessantly. And this soon travelled to B's ears so B rang me up about this issue. Apparently, I have no idea that A is also under B's responsibility, so if A's mother realized he has picked up something unhealthy and bad just by hanging out with B, B would be in for hell and who knows what kind of predicament. Not taking it seriously, I countered with some insensitive and irresponsible remarks that I have soon forgotten about, and I don't wish to remember either.
That was a really bad move.
I apologized in exasperation and after that we cut contact for a while. And after a day or two after the incident, I was in MSN video call with A. We're just talking about random topics and particularly discussing why there was a need for using a video call over a conversation that was easily accomplishable over MSN itself. My webcam/microphone on my laptop wasn't working anyway so it was one sided meaning I could see and hear A but he could not do otherwise. Out of the blue, his phone rang and it turned out to be B. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but then his microphone was still turned on and I was still faced with A talking to B in front of me. And it wasn't long before I realized where the conversation between A and B was going to - me.
Feeling a bit upset, disturbed, confused and refusing to hear further, I aplogized hastily for eavesdropping and disconnected the video call. A also realized this and had tried to go somewhere else to talk before I disconnected. After a while, A apologized to me that I had to hear that, I tried to ignore the conversation and assured I was fine. And all the while, B has no idea that his phone call had occurred in between our video call, and I wished things stayed that way. But trouble was far from over...
Today, after I came home from dinner, my sister passed me back my handphone stating about a serious SMS and phone call I had received earlier. She had brought out my phone for an occasion so I was unable to access my handphone for a few hours. I had a sick gut feeling about the message and guessed it was from B.
It was indeed.
Fear and tension wrapped all over me as I read it, in fact it sounded more like an ultimatum than just a message of explanation. Being the straightforward person he is, he had no problem conveying whatever he wished to speak of. Not surprisingly, my remarks from back then still irked him to the core, and it was so bad to the point - whenever A mentioned me in front of B, he can't help but be pissed off. It's implied he's also a bit jealous of me, I have no wish or whatsoever of replacing B's place in A's life and I certainly know A knew that B is irreplaceable as well. As of now - this is what I saw from the ultimatum...
"He can choose his friends and if feels u are way better, I will let him go."
I never had a spine chill for a while, and just reading this line sends horror all over me. I knew he was sensitive and I was rude and in the wrong for capitalizing on his responsibility but I was shocked at this. It's almost I'm forced to come to a simple decision:
That is to stop being friends with A.
I value both our friendships, both A and B and I definitely didn't want anything to go awry between A and B because of me. I'm extremely torn and confused between the two, what seemed just a sentence had a tremendous impact over me, exaggerating it might sound but this is truly how I felt. I have no one else to turn to, save for another friend who I wanted to be a listener and possibly give me some sound advice. And if I shared this with A or another friend we both knew, it seems like I'm to the verge of being pathetic to seek sympathy votes to change his mind. I really have no evil intentions here, but simply just for things to return to normal, but given the state of current affairs, it seems like it's extremely difficult to.
In a small way I'm glad my sister brought out by handphone so I didn't have access to his phone call because I would be frightenned at what he's going to voice out, or what I'm expected to respond. At this juncture, I have refrained from contact with him...I'm scared to, I don't want to face the conclusion.
What am I supposed to do?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)