I have a drastically poor memory, so hence I was busy wishing all my closest friends with Christmas greetings however there was a catch - I shortened the greeting into an acronym. So instead everyone saw MCAAHNY on their Facebook wall.
The endless "???" was priceless and worth remembering. Who says you can't have some decent fun on Christmas?
My unit organized a Chirstmas Eve breakfast at White Rose Cafe which was in York Hotel this morning. As usual, my poor sense of direction misguided me and I alighted somewhere off course. I had to walk in the drizzle, looped around Paragon before I realized where York Hotel was situated. That's what happens when one does not drop by Orchard too much, I'm ashamed to even say I'm a local.
I never had an International Breakfast buffet style before, so this was definitely an eye-opener to me. The choices were literally endless and I was so glad I only drank a cup of Milo before coming here. Other than the basic rolls, bacon, ham, fruits and yogurt, there were also odd fare you would never see on an Asian breakfast list - mashed potatoes.
I was asked (or rather bugged) persistently to try the omelette. The omelette station was real interesting, there will be a chef waiting there to cook it on the spot along with choices of other ingredients and then serve to you on a plate. The chef looks Japanese, he probably couldn't speak English well because he was gesturing to me which ingredient I wanted. I selected mushrooms and it only took about a minute or two before he served it too me. Even though he was silent, but his expressions speak volumes about his service.
And for the first time in my life - I actually got to experience Blue Cheese. The whiff of it was extremely overpowering, and I thought Cheddar was strong enough. It's actually too sour to eat it alone, but it goes surprisingly well with almost a bit of everything. Following Remy the Rat (from Ratatouille), I sampled the cheese with basically fruit slices, bread and an assortment of choices. That's when the sweet factor started to kick in, it was like magic; a blend of sweet, sour and salty taste mingling with one another.
As I got bolder, I even tried to cheekily whip myself a cocktail of Grapefruit, Orange and Apple juice. Even though it wasn't alcohol, but it gave a high in the heavens sensation.
I thank my superiors for organizing this, and afterwards it was homebound for me. Orchard Road was surprisingly serene in the morning, plus the drizzle provided an excellent atmosphere for that Christmas Eve touch. I would have likened the weather to snow, since snow is pretty much a packed and frozen version of rain. I sat a bus home and enjoyed the sights and sounds (of my iPod), satiating the final "course" of the meal.
Christmas may not be traditional in Singapore, but it was definitely a moment to remember for life.
24 December 2009
23 December 2009
Christmas Trees and among
Ever wondered what it's like one day when Christmas trees become nothing but a plain old myth one day? Year after year, Christmas is attaining a killjoy holiday status. Gifts are getting more expensive, disasters are happening especially more often on a holiday that's supposedly blessed, and then there's the bitching on Global Warming.
But I digress, I have something to be happy about for the end of this year.
1) I redecorated my room excessively, ditched single beds for double-decker beds. Have a new CPU to be proud of, I swear it's like having your own kid. Overall, my irritable small room looks like it has grown in empty spaces by a couple of sizes.
2) I'm getting the hang of my vocation, I can blissfully function at 100% without my upperstudy's presence. Of course, there's still the sleeping issue which I'm working on. Everyone's there a melting pot of personalities, already known who to avoid and what their habits are stuff like that. It's like a classroom but everyone else is an adult and there are responsibilities given out instead of homework.
3) I'm actually having some aspirations now, it's extremely unexpected of someone of my caliber.
Above all, I am extremely annoyed with the current keyboard I have. The freaking "Ctrl" button is so small, it's one finger sized. MCAHNY - hey that was an interesting word.
But I digress, I have something to be happy about for the end of this year.
1) I redecorated my room excessively, ditched single beds for double-decker beds. Have a new CPU to be proud of, I swear it's like having your own kid. Overall, my irritable small room looks like it has grown in empty spaces by a couple of sizes.
2) I'm getting the hang of my vocation, I can blissfully function at 100% without my upperstudy's presence. Of course, there's still the sleeping issue which I'm working on. Everyone's there a melting pot of personalities, already known who to avoid and what their habits are stuff like that. It's like a classroom but everyone else is an adult and there are responsibilities given out instead of homework.
3) I'm actually having some aspirations now, it's extremely unexpected of someone of my caliber.
Above all, I am extremely annoyed with the current keyboard I have. The freaking "Ctrl" button is so small, it's one finger sized. MCAHNY - hey that was an interesting word.
19 December 2009
Revolutions & Resolutions
Year after year, every festive season seems to lack more luster, what's wrong with it, or rather what's wrong with me? I used to enjoy them with such gusto but now they just feel like another day; or a day off if you will for the working population.
Christmas is coming, and within a blink of an eye, another year's coming to an end. Unfortunately, the years ahead looks bleak.
Terrorism.
Global Warming.
Pollution.
Politics.
Need I go on? The tide isn't receding, it's just waiting for that very moment to strike us down totally into irreparable chaos. And then there's that 2012 issue, even if it's the end of the world - are we ready to tell ourselves we lived a good life, and satisfied with a simple demise? Note the fact that nothing's confirmed, but the human being's delusional point of view is stronger than logic and reality.
We all want to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die to get there. In other news, a resolution is at hand. In dire need, to be deadly emphasized...
Stuff I hate about myself:
1) Too honest
2) Easily bothered by guilt
3) Easily "persuaded"
4) Letting others have the best of me
I missed my primary school persona where I was bold and dangerous, I fall and I get up, that is all. My younger self would mocked at me without a care just about now, and naturally my present self would be too embarrassed to retaliate. I wish there was another way to do things without resorting to an extreme contrast of choices and opinions.
After all, that was what shaped the present world now.
Christmas is coming, and within a blink of an eye, another year's coming to an end. Unfortunately, the years ahead looks bleak.
Terrorism.
Global Warming.
Pollution.
Politics.
Need I go on? The tide isn't receding, it's just waiting for that very moment to strike us down totally into irreparable chaos. And then there's that 2012 issue, even if it's the end of the world - are we ready to tell ourselves we lived a good life, and satisfied with a simple demise? Note the fact that nothing's confirmed, but the human being's delusional point of view is stronger than logic and reality.
We all want to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die to get there. In other news, a resolution is at hand. In dire need, to be deadly emphasized...
Stuff I hate about myself:
1) Too honest
2) Easily bothered by guilt
3) Easily "persuaded"
4) Letting others have the best of me
I missed my primary school persona where I was bold and dangerous, I fall and I get up, that is all. My younger self would mocked at me without a care just about now, and naturally my present self would be too embarrassed to retaliate. I wish there was another way to do things without resorting to an extreme contrast of choices and opinions.
After all, that was what shaped the present world now.
12 December 2009
Mortifying
It has been one heck of a ride, and right now I feel I'm moving towards the sky again.
It's illogical all the time to believe that our story and our path has been set and written since birth. Everything is beyond our control, and then there's luck. It's so hard to believe that a decision made would set the cogs of time setting into an inexplicable cycle of no return. Yet for some, we may gain as much as we lose along the way.
Settling into the shoes of my upperstudy so far isn't a walk in the park, he really wasn't joking when he recalled the detestable feelings that settled with him when he started the job. Suddenly, it's almost effortless that it's so scary. Of course, that's not without picking up himself after falling each time. It was an arduous journey but hey, he made it. While he's at the finish line, he looks back, and then it was soon my turn to craft out my own journey.
My roller coaster has crash landed each time, but I also thank luck and second chances each time that I still managed to pull through. I don't normally believe in topics like Horoscopes too, but I'm guessing enduring is a superior trait that all Taurus has, so pretty much, I'll endure it all the way.
No matter what happens.
No matter how bleak the future it may be.
I'll still carry on and keep tryin', until my body is exhausted of it's life. However, in the meanwhile, willpower energizes me. It's so mortifying , it's hard to believe something almost in-existent empowers the human mind beyond it's limits.
I'll live.
It's illogical all the time to believe that our story and our path has been set and written since birth. Everything is beyond our control, and then there's luck. It's so hard to believe that a decision made would set the cogs of time setting into an inexplicable cycle of no return. Yet for some, we may gain as much as we lose along the way.
Settling into the shoes of my upperstudy so far isn't a walk in the park, he really wasn't joking when he recalled the detestable feelings that settled with him when he started the job. Suddenly, it's almost effortless that it's so scary. Of course, that's not without picking up himself after falling each time. It was an arduous journey but hey, he made it. While he's at the finish line, he looks back, and then it was soon my turn to craft out my own journey.
My roller coaster has crash landed each time, but I also thank luck and second chances each time that I still managed to pull through. I don't normally believe in topics like Horoscopes too, but I'm guessing enduring is a superior trait that all Taurus has, so pretty much, I'll endure it all the way.
No matter what happens.
No matter how bleak the future it may be.
I'll still carry on and keep tryin', until my body is exhausted of it's life. However, in the meanwhile, willpower energizes me. It's so mortifying , it's hard to believe something almost in-existent empowers the human mind beyond it's limits.
I'll live.
28 November 2009
Squashed
Some people have it all easy when it comes to friendships, but I tend to take either seriously though nobody's perfect so we may often commit somewhat sensitive and thoughtless acts out of impulse.
At the end of the day, it gets worst when all of these are combined by immersing yourself within the backlash and conflicts of two people. Left and right are both your hands, you trust both but it's just that each of them have a story against one another.
It's very easy to choose either and give up the other or give up both altogether. However, it takes guts, will and a miracle to still hang on to both together. But I digress, I still want to give a benefit of doubt to no matter who's right or wrong.
At least now I got a new CPU to keep my mind off things, it's all finally coming together. And meanwhile, my work issues are going to a disaster area...
At the end of the day, it gets worst when all of these are combined by immersing yourself within the backlash and conflicts of two people. Left and right are both your hands, you trust both but it's just that each of them have a story against one another.
It's very easy to choose either and give up the other or give up both altogether. However, it takes guts, will and a miracle to still hang on to both together. But I digress, I still want to give a benefit of doubt to no matter who's right or wrong.
At least now I got a new CPU to keep my mind off things, it's all finally coming together. And meanwhile, my work issues are going to a disaster area...
25 November 2009
Smart no?
I have the uncanny talent of making people annoyed and fed-up at me.
And yesterday, I found my sight again because I located my glasses. But then again, having glasses doesn't mean that you'll gain wisdom as well.
And yesterday, I found my sight again because I located my glasses. But then again, having glasses doesn't mean that you'll gain wisdom as well.
24 November 2009
Rebirth and awkward shopping
I abruptly brought my bank account to a near broke status because I splurged on a new CPU which my house desperately needs. My home desktop gave up on us as of last week, that only goes to show to my dad that you can't be a cheapskate when it comes to electronic goods. I went down to Funan today to went parts shopping with a friend who knows his game. I'm glad to settle on a good deal, the lady boss just gave out discounts like vouchers which eventually brought the final price to $920, which is really worth it.
Now I just lack a decent monitor and a keyboard, can't wait to get rid that has-been desktop out of the house. Plus I realized I needed a new scanner to boot, quality's important and plus it's old - heck it's survived the years from 1998!
And then it comes to awkward shopping, how do ladies actually buy their undergarments without dying of embarrassment? I went to buy underwear, something long overdue on my necessity list. I walked about the aisle for what seems an eternity, grabbed a box and tried to avoid crowds as much as possible as I fidgeted towards the counter. I paid with my ATM card and suddenly my heart skipped a beat when the cashier said "Sir..."
I let out a huge sigh of relief when she pointed out only purchases $10 and above are eligible for ATM card payment. Well at least I won't have to relieve this experience until let's say...a decade or so.
Talk about awkward.
Now I just lack a decent monitor and a keyboard, can't wait to get rid that has-been desktop out of the house. Plus I realized I needed a new scanner to boot, quality's important and plus it's old - heck it's survived the years from 1998!
And then it comes to awkward shopping, how do ladies actually buy their undergarments without dying of embarrassment? I went to buy underwear, something long overdue on my necessity list. I walked about the aisle for what seems an eternity, grabbed a box and tried to avoid crowds as much as possible as I fidgeted towards the counter. I paid with my ATM card and suddenly my heart skipped a beat when the cashier said "Sir..."
I let out a huge sigh of relief when she pointed out only purchases $10 and above are eligible for ATM card payment. Well at least I won't have to relieve this experience until let's say...a decade or so.
Talk about awkward.
12 November 2009
The Way Out
It's really a sad day on Earth if my senior has to lecture me, I don't blame him. Even I can't stand myself, the irate me I have to put up with - sleeping, sloppy work attitude, unable to prioritize, blur...
My job scope is busy, and requires daily attention but yet here I am slacking away in the midst of panic. I have just remembered once again my limit is up till 15th December, if I still don't improve then I'll have to be let go like some pathetic employee.
Between my Ma'am's stern and straightforward reasoning and my senior's desperate and disappointed words, I have no idea whether guilt or acknowledgement is worst. Anything that happens from here down the road is all up to me. I can stick to my way and eventually get off-track, or I follow a stable and safe way till the end of my two years.
It's just like secondary school all over again.
My job scope is busy, and requires daily attention but yet here I am slacking away in the midst of panic. I have just remembered once again my limit is up till 15th December, if I still don't improve then I'll have to be let go like some pathetic employee.
Between my Ma'am's stern and straightforward reasoning and my senior's desperate and disappointed words, I have no idea whether guilt or acknowledgement is worst. Anything that happens from here down the road is all up to me. I can stick to my way and eventually get off-track, or I follow a stable and safe way till the end of my two years.
It's just like secondary school all over again.
10 November 2009
Time of My Life
I am pratically the essence of procrastination, throw in sloth and bad luck, and you basically have a blog lying in the dust. I often complained about lack of juicy stuff to blog about, but even as much as I deny, my life is actually getting a little bit more interesting than it used to be.
Aion's has obtained a place in my heart despite the fact it's just another grind game...but with irresistible game mechanics and elements, plus the intense graphics (which my laptop is unable to process fully enough to appreciate) and soundtrack. I'm so hooked to it, it creates problems in my lives which soon leads to another matter.
My sleeping problem at work.
My Ma'am dropped the bombshell about my work attitude and sleeping issue few weeks back. It's either I brush up or I get out, so far I still managed to accidentally succumbed to the sleep demons but otherwise I'm making up for greater work effort. However, my lousy memory and priorities still grinds her beans sometimes. I am truly the biggest stumbling block should I ever be someone's reliance. I really have to work on it fast because I'm going to hold the fort alone once my senior ORDs in January next year.
NS really changes your lives, although I discover another fact that people can't pronounce my name - my surname specifically correctly to be exact. I'm being called "Tan" instead of "Tay" by people who tried to call me the first time.
1) I have a name tag that clearly says - Tay
2) Neither do I see people of Tay(s) and Tan(s) being mistaken for vice versa
I'm definitely bewildered why I'm the special case out of the lot being christened as "Tan". Not that I want to offend any "Tan"(s) out there, but sheesh, at least get someone's name right. It's not that such a big difference...I think.
My Internet died for the whole of last week, I then was hit with a realization that if a disaster was to occur, I would probably be too busy grieving for life without the Internet rather than concentrate on the bare necessities. Turns out my dad actually forgot to pay the bill, though I must say the ISP was gracious enough to actually provide two months worth of free cable TV and broadband before they cut the line. So there you go, the reason as to why I disappeared from the net.
I took Internet therapy the moment it came back, stressing my body beyond it's limits for two days. Hey, I am an addict.
And suddenly, those are the things I can probably recall for now.
Aion's has obtained a place in my heart despite the fact it's just another grind game...but with irresistible game mechanics and elements, plus the intense graphics (which my laptop is unable to process fully enough to appreciate) and soundtrack. I'm so hooked to it, it creates problems in my lives which soon leads to another matter.
My sleeping problem at work.
My Ma'am dropped the bombshell about my work attitude and sleeping issue few weeks back. It's either I brush up or I get out, so far I still managed to accidentally succumbed to the sleep demons but otherwise I'm making up for greater work effort. However, my lousy memory and priorities still grinds her beans sometimes. I am truly the biggest stumbling block should I ever be someone's reliance. I really have to work on it fast because I'm going to hold the fort alone once my senior ORDs in January next year.
NS really changes your lives, although I discover another fact that people can't pronounce my name - my surname specifically correctly to be exact. I'm being called "Tan" instead of "Tay" by people who tried to call me the first time.
1) I have a name tag that clearly says - Tay
2) Neither do I see people of Tay(s) and Tan(s) being mistaken for vice versa
I'm definitely bewildered why I'm the special case out of the lot being christened as "Tan". Not that I want to offend any "Tan"(s) out there, but sheesh, at least get someone's name right. It's not that such a big difference...I think.
My Internet died for the whole of last week, I then was hit with a realization that if a disaster was to occur, I would probably be too busy grieving for life without the Internet rather than concentrate on the bare necessities. Turns out my dad actually forgot to pay the bill, though I must say the ISP was gracious enough to actually provide two months worth of free cable TV and broadband before they cut the line. So there you go, the reason as to why I disappeared from the net.
I took Internet therapy the moment it came back, stressing my body beyond it's limits for two days. Hey, I am an addict.
And suddenly, those are the things I can probably recall for now.
27 October 2009
Sensitivity
This word seems to revolve around my whole, and not in a general universal time; but more of a personal level. It seems wherever I go, this is the one restriction that encloses me within a confined space. It's so hard to break free without breaking anything else, you want to but then you don't want to.
I often wonder what role does this play in our world, some say sensitivity is a way of protecting yourself. Being sensitive, you're more likely to be on guard when the need arises, be prepared to take lesser pain even if exposed to it. But how this apply to real life and not the natural world? Humans are sensitive to "this and that", would it be hypothetically possible for us to make it through this world without being sensitive.
Indirectly, this post is a rant. Yes, I go in big deep circles to write it all off and to try to understand from a different perspective. Some would say, "why bother?" but I guess like anything out there - I'm just sensitive to something.
I often wonder what role does this play in our world, some say sensitivity is a way of protecting yourself. Being sensitive, you're more likely to be on guard when the need arises, be prepared to take lesser pain even if exposed to it. But how this apply to real life and not the natural world? Humans are sensitive to "this and that", would it be hypothetically possible for us to make it through this world without being sensitive.
Indirectly, this post is a rant. Yes, I go in big deep circles to write it all off and to try to understand from a different perspective. Some would say, "why bother?" but I guess like anything out there - I'm just sensitive to something.
22 October 2009
Accelerate
I'm starting to feel the heat from my job, from an increased workload to more 'less-newbie' treatments, of course, it's only natural eventually this stage progresses because once my senior ORDs - I'm going to fly solo. Right now the only thing that's stopping me from going to full throttle is my OA access card, it has an acronym which unfortunately I'm unable to spell out. What's worst is that my daily nodding off has caught my ma'am's attention to the point that I'm finally given a final warning today.
Anymore would call for an an unavoidable punishment, she's gracious enough to give me so many chances yet I kept blowing it each time. I'm beginning to think Karma really exists, because right after her warning, hours later it happened again but she wasn't around because she took a half day leave. Unfortunately, Karma wasn't going to let me off like that, suddenly out of the blue I was requested to do marshaling duty tomorrow at 5.30am! TGIF tomorrow, and since the whole thing ends about 9 in the morning, that certainly takes some work hours off.
I really have to brush up my act, this aion addiction is spiralling out of control. The only saving grace is when the server goes down for maintenance, like today, where I finally pulled myself to write a decent entry for once.
I'm just a sucker for games with breathtaking graphics, something that Aion seems to overflow with among all the games I have immersed myself in so far. Of course, as an MMORPG, grinding is never far, but this game spices it up with a lot of interesting concepts and mechanics; though some may prove to be a bit annoying. I'm currently playing a Sorcerer class, and the glass cannon concept is pretty well balanced. In exchange for nukes, we don't survive against status effects and melees very well, even with the best of gear.
I'm actually trying my hand at PVP seriously, though I doubt my laptop can handle Aion's intense graphics so I'm switching to a DIY computer soon, still got a few hundred dollars more to reach that goal. It's irony how that my goals are all short-term and deemed as pointless to many, yet my life seems to be whizzing by as I accomplish them one by one.
Keeping up with this speed is really tiring though, I'm amazed how some people can actually extend their reach to long term goals with heavy commitments.
Anymore would call for an an unavoidable punishment, she's gracious enough to give me so many chances yet I kept blowing it each time. I'm beginning to think Karma really exists, because right after her warning, hours later it happened again but she wasn't around because she took a half day leave. Unfortunately, Karma wasn't going to let me off like that, suddenly out of the blue I was requested to do marshaling duty tomorrow at 5.30am! TGIF tomorrow, and since the whole thing ends about 9 in the morning, that certainly takes some work hours off.
I really have to brush up my act, this aion addiction is spiralling out of control. The only saving grace is when the server goes down for maintenance, like today, where I finally pulled myself to write a decent entry for once.
I'm just a sucker for games with breathtaking graphics, something that Aion seems to overflow with among all the games I have immersed myself in so far. Of course, as an MMORPG, grinding is never far, but this game spices it up with a lot of interesting concepts and mechanics; though some may prove to be a bit annoying. I'm currently playing a Sorcerer class, and the glass cannon concept is pretty well balanced. In exchange for nukes, we don't survive against status effects and melees very well, even with the best of gear.
I'm actually trying my hand at PVP seriously, though I doubt my laptop can handle Aion's intense graphics so I'm switching to a DIY computer soon, still got a few hundred dollars more to reach that goal. It's irony how that my goals are all short-term and deemed as pointless to many, yet my life seems to be whizzing by as I accomplish them one by one.
Keeping up with this speed is really tiring though, I'm amazed how some people can actually extend their reach to long term goals with heavy commitments.
14 October 2009
Stupified
Facebook is growing on me, or I'm becoming lazier. Because all my posts seems to be at Facebook length standards, I'm also finding hard to post a decent or insightly post for almost the same reasons.
Well anyway, growing up, I refused to believe how small Singapore is but after two incidents only then I'm convinced by all the hearsay. I thought I saw a secondary school mate on my bus ride home from work yesterday. He looked really different and sported a different pair of glasses so it's really hard to discern, however he always has this distinct look on his face I could never forget. I checked his Facebook account for recent photos to confirm - and bingo, turns out it was him.
Second case, I'm working on documents at my unit, and then I happened to come across a familiar name. What are the odds, that it would be the very same person from my secondary school days as well? To my disbelief, it indeed was him...Singapore seems to be shrinking in my viewpoint as I get older.
It's either I'm knowing it too well, or it's time for me to expand beyond the horizons of this country.
Well anyway, growing up, I refused to believe how small Singapore is but after two incidents only then I'm convinced by all the hearsay. I thought I saw a secondary school mate on my bus ride home from work yesterday. He looked really different and sported a different pair of glasses so it's really hard to discern, however he always has this distinct look on his face I could never forget. I checked his Facebook account for recent photos to confirm - and bingo, turns out it was him.
Second case, I'm working on documents at my unit, and then I happened to come across a familiar name. What are the odds, that it would be the very same person from my secondary school days as well? To my disbelief, it indeed was him...Singapore seems to be shrinking in my viewpoint as I get older.
It's either I'm knowing it too well, or it's time for me to expand beyond the horizons of this country.
13 October 2009
Addiction
I'm crazy over MMORPGs, I don't deny it can sometimes drive me to the brink of madness. Here comes my other love of my life, Aion.
My character which I was totally bummed out after minutes of customization, a special feature of the game that can already get you hooked. And you haven't even begun the gameplay yet!
My character which I was totally bummed out after minutes of customization, a special feature of the game that can already get you hooked. And you haven't even begun the gameplay yet!
04 October 2009
Parity
I am really sickened by the fact, that the good and innocent always seem to die young. Where's the rationale?!
The recent spate of disasters fueled partly by man no doubt has taken the lives of many throughout the Asia Pacific region. And then somewhere in Korea, I just found out one of my favorite illustrators has passed away due to illness. This isn't all justified, especially when it's usually true how they portrayed in movies where the bad either gets away scot free or lives to a ripe old age. It is definitely a myth however, that the justice filled main character usually lives beyond the storyline.
All this started a chain of thoughts within my head, if I were to die one day - would I die with regrets? After all, at my age, I have yet to see and do many things, let alone talk about accomplishments and fulfillment. The only problem I have with this goal setting is that I still don't know what I want, just crossing the bridge only when I've reached it.
What's it going to be? Live a happy life or get busy with accomplishments and goals? And then if we have chosen the latter, does it justify if we passed away suddenly out of the blue? But ironically, dying without a purpose fulfilled in life is also an unfair way to go.
And while people debate what to do with their lives, Mother Nature's is already set in motion to the end. We're ignoring the biggest threat to our existence - Global Warming. Life is always unfair, but we just have to pay attention to everything around. Live life to it's fullest everyday, enjoy it because it happened.
For me, I just want to do something that will make both people around me proud. And of course, protect this world.
The recent spate of disasters fueled partly by man no doubt has taken the lives of many throughout the Asia Pacific region. And then somewhere in Korea, I just found out one of my favorite illustrators has passed away due to illness. This isn't all justified, especially when it's usually true how they portrayed in movies where the bad either gets away scot free or lives to a ripe old age. It is definitely a myth however, that the justice filled main character usually lives beyond the storyline.
All this started a chain of thoughts within my head, if I were to die one day - would I die with regrets? After all, at my age, I have yet to see and do many things, let alone talk about accomplishments and fulfillment. The only problem I have with this goal setting is that I still don't know what I want, just crossing the bridge only when I've reached it.
What's it going to be? Live a happy life or get busy with accomplishments and goals? And then if we have chosen the latter, does it justify if we passed away suddenly out of the blue? But ironically, dying without a purpose fulfilled in life is also an unfair way to go.
And while people debate what to do with their lives, Mother Nature's is already set in motion to the end. We're ignoring the biggest threat to our existence - Global Warming. Life is always unfair, but we just have to pay attention to everything around. Live life to it's fullest everyday, enjoy it because it happened.
For me, I just want to do something that will make both people around me proud. And of course, protect this world.
01 October 2009
Farce
Singaporean celebrities Christopher Lee and Fann Wong finally held their wedding with a bang, but that's not really the major news here. More importantly, Singapore has increased it's electricity bill by 12.5% starting 1 October 2009 onwards!
This is obviously a big fat blow to middle class and poor folks, and to all the gamers as well. Not to mention other industries and people alike who consume electricity on an everyday basis. There are however perks to this, for once we could actually take the issue of conserving electricity seriously now.
I'll quote my ma'am who has made a very interesting observation based on the increase:
"It's ridiculous and companies like Starhub are actually promoting more cable TV channels, how are supposed to comply to watching more TV now?"
Sadly but true, in fact I'm not even thrilled about leaving my laptop overnight now for gaming purposes. Air-cons in my house are being cut down to the minimum, my mum and sister actually slept in the living room yesterday night. It's cooler than being cooped up in a fan blown room, according to them.
I secretly believe the recent F1 event caused the surge, not only is it due to fuel price increases as they mentioned. Singapore has indeed a high standard of living, but everything no doubt comes at a price. Throw in Global Warming and the recent spate of events happening all over the world, it makes you wonder can any price buy a comfort living these days.
This is obviously a big fat blow to middle class and poor folks, and to all the gamers as well. Not to mention other industries and people alike who consume electricity on an everyday basis. There are however perks to this, for once we could actually take the issue of conserving electricity seriously now.
I'll quote my ma'am who has made a very interesting observation based on the increase:
"It's ridiculous and companies like Starhub are actually promoting more cable TV channels, how are supposed to comply to watching more TV now?"
Sadly but true, in fact I'm not even thrilled about leaving my laptop overnight now for gaming purposes. Air-cons in my house are being cut down to the minimum, my mum and sister actually slept in the living room yesterday night. It's cooler than being cooped up in a fan blown room, according to them.
I secretly believe the recent F1 event caused the surge, not only is it due to fuel price increases as they mentioned. Singapore has indeed a high standard of living, but everything no doubt comes at a price. Throw in Global Warming and the recent spate of events happening all over the world, it makes you wonder can any price buy a comfort living these days.
28 September 2009
Reminder
I'm finally assigned tasks, oh goodbye pure boredom. The things that perturbs me the most is that my biggest challenge assigned so far is answering and diverting phone calls. I'm never good at public relations and I stumble and stutter a lot, which is unnerving.
My senior came back today and announced he was going for a $3200 wisdom tooth operation soon, I'm suddenly reminded of my impending erupted wisdom teeth (all 3 of them) as well.
Wonder what's going to hurt more, the toothache or the bill?
My senior came back today and announced he was going for a $3200 wisdom tooth operation soon, I'm suddenly reminded of my impending erupted wisdom teeth (all 3 of them) as well.
Wonder what's going to hurt more, the toothache or the bill?
25 September 2009
23 September 2009
Rookie
This was why the stress endurance question was asked repeatedly and emphasized heavily yesterday, it turns out I'm already feeling the heat of the job on my first day. There are indeed much arduous days ahead, and I really have to tread my path carefully to avoid unnecessary troubles and problems. But overall, my boss and colleagues are really nice people - in fact, I feel less relaxed when people whom I know for the first time are really relaxed.
My dad enjoys showing me off though, he's really proud introducing me as his son to his friends. We happened to work in the same building now and interestingly, people are also intrigued that my father is working in the same place as well.
Being in the office the entire day is surprisingly tired, sitting down in the cold air-con room is unexpectedly torturous as opposed to the BMT days. At least now I see the source of my dad's sleeping obsession.
My dad enjoys showing me off though, he's really proud introducing me as his son to his friends. We happened to work in the same building now and interestingly, people are also intrigued that my father is working in the same place as well.
Being in the office the entire day is surprisingly tired, sitting down in the cold air-con room is unexpectedly torturous as opposed to the BMT days. At least now I see the source of my dad's sleeping obsession.
All Over Again
I have to restart being in a whole new environment again, turns out yesterday wasn't a one shot process. There were interviews we had to go through to determine whether if we're suitable for the units and posts. Out of 7 people, in the end a guy and I were chosen to be booted out for Bukit Gombak camp - but not that I'm complaining because it's only a 5 to 10 minutes journey from my home!
The best part is, my dad works there so i can hitch a free ride. The person in charge sounds quite friendly over the phone so I guess I have nothing much to worry about. But adjusting to office life can be a tedious process, because there's no idea what's in store for you in the day's ahead. We were asked to help out around a little yesterday and it was basically shredding papers and more sitting around until 5.30pm when it was time to leave.
Luck is shining on me unknowingly, the other guy who was with me - turns out he was from the same company albeit different platoon and also, he was from the same secondary school as me.
The next two years of my life will be no less interesting after all.
P.S - Kanye West wins the bastard for life award, look at what "heinous" crimes he commited recently.
The best part is, my dad works there so i can hitch a free ride. The person in charge sounds quite friendly over the phone so I guess I have nothing much to worry about. But adjusting to office life can be a tedious process, because there's no idea what's in store for you in the day's ahead. We were asked to help out around a little yesterday and it was basically shredding papers and more sitting around until 5.30pm when it was time to leave.
Luck is shining on me unknowingly, the other guy who was with me - turns out he was from the same company albeit different platoon and also, he was from the same secondary school as me.
The next two years of my life will be no less interesting after all.
P.S - Kanye West wins the bastard for life award, look at what "heinous" crimes he commited recently.
21 September 2009
Already There
Tomorrow is coming already, guess you can't avoid forever from what's coming. I'm reporting to my new unit tomorrow and apparently, it's a desk job. I have mixed feelings about this though judging from the reactions and replies I'm getting; it's probably one helluva awesome job many would traded body parts for. The few things I managed to find out I like about my new unit:
1) It's a 8-5
2) Air-Con all the way, actually no - I dread air conditioning, I can't tolerate cold temeperatures
3) It's in the west area, no doubt still quite a distance
Managed to finish my friend's blogpost for his contest entry, though I'm definitely won't be doing this for a long while again. It's exhausting and I always would have to travel to his home area for discussion which is a ridiculous hour plus worth of journey from my place. At least I finally learned how to bargain with people, and made him pay for my game when we hit town later at night.
Left 4 Dead never fails to complete my day, it was sad a certain friend couldn't been with us though. :(
1) It's a 8-5
2) Air-Con all the way, actually no - I dread air conditioning, I can't tolerate cold temeperatures
3) It's in the west area, no doubt still quite a distance
Managed to finish my friend's blogpost for his contest entry, though I'm definitely won't be doing this for a long while again. It's exhausting and I always would have to travel to his home area for discussion which is a ridiculous hour plus worth of journey from my place. At least I finally learned how to bargain with people, and made him pay for my game when we hit town later at night.
Left 4 Dead never fails to complete my day, it was sad a certain friend couldn't been with us though. :(
18 September 2009
What It Takes
It's been a while since I felt a great sense of burden, challenge and responsibility on my shoulders. I only recalled feeling that way in my schooling days, but this time round, I'm doing it for a friend and a contest.
It's one of those new fangled blogging contests which screams of blatant advertisement purposes. And the idea is to come up with a blogpost and a follow up video (if you want to win the prize) depicting the tagline by Pringles; the participating sponsor. 5000 SGD sounds attractive no doubt, but I am hardly motivated by money; it's my friend however who's swooned over by this contest and roped me in to help. Apparently, my last editor job for one of his blogpost was unknowingly a contest entry which actually won. To be specific, it was tied for 50 winning spots among thousands of entries.
I could feel my jaw drop when my friend revealed that little tidbit to me, was I really that good?
No doubt I'm getting a share of the prize if it does win, but I really have to throw in a lot of creativity and that winning touch of writing skills. I have read a lot of good blogs and I fear I may not live up to the challenge. I'm more preoccupied with the thought about my new vocation which will be made known in exactly 6 hours more.
It weighs a ton, but the sense of achievement is great if I'm able to uphold it all.
It's one of those new fangled blogging contests which screams of blatant advertisement purposes. And the idea is to come up with a blogpost and a follow up video (if you want to win the prize) depicting the tagline by Pringles; the participating sponsor. 5000 SGD sounds attractive no doubt, but I am hardly motivated by money; it's my friend however who's swooned over by this contest and roped me in to help. Apparently, my last editor job for one of his blogpost was unknowingly a contest entry which actually won. To be specific, it was tied for 50 winning spots among thousands of entries.
I could feel my jaw drop when my friend revealed that little tidbit to me, was I really that good?
No doubt I'm getting a share of the prize if it does win, but I really have to throw in a lot of creativity and that winning touch of writing skills. I have read a lot of good blogs and I fear I may not live up to the challenge. I'm more preoccupied with the thought about my new vocation which will be made known in exactly 6 hours more.
It weighs a ton, but the sense of achievement is great if I'm able to uphold it all.
15 September 2009
Gaining
"Never in my life will I want to start another one of them social networking nonsense,"
I could still remember that "vow" I made when Facebook was first released. I can say it almost worked until one day out of the blue, I was looking through my emails and saw the Facebook request via my friends who already had these accounts. No matter how long I spent deleting, they would still find their way into my inbox eventually. Curiosity finally got the better of me as I stepped into a world I thought I would hate...
And fast forward today, suddenly it's become a part of me. I often unconsciously find myself tagging this button on Facebook. Even with people I have only interacted with once or twice, I would just shamelessly add them, striving to expand my ever growing friend list.
One part of me was also curious, how are these people getting on with their lives now? For better or for worst? At the same time I would worry if they had cleanly forgotten about me, and thus rejecting my friend request.
As a friend quotes - seeing me that "addicted" to Facebook was the last thing she'd ever expect in her life from me.
So I lost a vow, but I gained a big stride in my life.
That's called change.
I could still remember that "vow" I made when Facebook was first released. I can say it almost worked until one day out of the blue, I was looking through my emails and saw the Facebook request via my friends who already had these accounts. No matter how long I spent deleting, they would still find their way into my inbox eventually. Curiosity finally got the better of me as I stepped into a world I thought I would hate...
And fast forward today, suddenly it's become a part of me. I often unconsciously find myself tagging this button on Facebook. Even with people I have only interacted with once or twice, I would just shamelessly add them, striving to expand my ever growing friend list.
One part of me was also curious, how are these people getting on with their lives now? For better or for worst? At the same time I would worry if they had cleanly forgotten about me, and thus rejecting my friend request.
As a friend quotes - seeing me that "addicted" to Facebook was the last thing she'd ever expect in her life from me.
So I lost a vow, but I gained a big stride in my life.
That's called change.
13 September 2009
Sometimes...
As I grow up, I find myself immersed and exposed to all kinds of personalities and people out there. It's an odd world out there, those experiences can be fun, puzzling, a challenge or sometimes complicating.
It only takes a mere breeze to trigger a conflict, that's what I don't understand - or do I have to understand why such a breeze has the power to enable such a thing to happen. Personally, similar to working a result, it's not the beginning nor the end that matters - but handling the process in between.
I'm beginning to realize some insensitiveness that I sometimes exhibit. Can I help it? Or can I hide it? Right or wrong, when do we know when to or not to? Dealing with the aftermath isn't exactly a walk in the park, showing too much nonchalance may drive at meanings you don't exactly want either. It's such that relationships are often fragile, because of all the neverending and surprising imposed thought processes of each individual fighting for a standstill.
I never wish for bad things to happen, I just want to get to the other side of the bridge. Nothing else matters as long as it doesn't collapse, whatever happens, it still stays strong and we still move on. Such is the way human nature is to be, and of course, repenting for the fault helps to a certain degree sometimes.
I'm a blunt person, probably took that from my father's side. But I try to make things right, I just wonder sometimes if it's helping or not.
It only takes a mere breeze to trigger a conflict, that's what I don't understand - or do I have to understand why such a breeze has the power to enable such a thing to happen. Personally, similar to working a result, it's not the beginning nor the end that matters - but handling the process in between.
I'm beginning to realize some insensitiveness that I sometimes exhibit. Can I help it? Or can I hide it? Right or wrong, when do we know when to or not to? Dealing with the aftermath isn't exactly a walk in the park, showing too much nonchalance may drive at meanings you don't exactly want either. It's such that relationships are often fragile, because of all the neverending and surprising imposed thought processes of each individual fighting for a standstill.
I never wish for bad things to happen, I just want to get to the other side of the bridge. Nothing else matters as long as it doesn't collapse, whatever happens, it still stays strong and we still move on. Such is the way human nature is to be, and of course, repenting for the fault helps to a certain degree sometimes.
I'm a blunt person, probably took that from my father's side. But I try to make things right, I just wonder sometimes if it's helping or not.
11 September 2009
The Pen
I often have a writer's block when I really feel a need to pen down something, but I could spill a pageful of words when I'm not, or when I'm simply daydreaming. There really may be a need for the time where we start to mix blogging with science; such that one day we just spend the day thinking stuff and this machine will just extract that block of output from our brains.
It's essentially a human printer, without the paper that is.
I've been asked by a friend to be a editor for his blog, it's really an odd job but it perks my interest because I'm able to experiment with all the vocabulary, grammar and what-it-is accordingly. Frankly, nothing riles me up more than writing, maybe there's an opening for me in the future?
I don't know, considering I'm not the type who can easily be held down by something. My wanderlust personality really gets on me sometimes. Meanwhile, I'm still rotting at home while waiting for my new vocation results to arrive. Suddenly returning to Tekong doesn't sound half as bad...
It's essentially a human printer, without the paper that is.
I've been asked by a friend to be a editor for his blog, it's really an odd job but it perks my interest because I'm able to experiment with all the vocabulary, grammar and what-it-is accordingly. Frankly, nothing riles me up more than writing, maybe there's an opening for me in the future?
I don't know, considering I'm not the type who can easily be held down by something. My wanderlust personality really gets on me sometimes. Meanwhile, I'm still rotting at home while waiting for my new vocation results to arrive. Suddenly returning to Tekong doesn't sound half as bad...
07 September 2009
Blink Blink
It's over, it's all over. I can hardly justify for the rate of time passing by, but my BMT is finally over!
Everyone's a little regretful to leave but yet at the same time to get the fuck out of the hellhole known as Tekong. We may have left but we brought back "outstanding" memories, experiences and not to mention luggage. There was a last "everything" craze and even a madcap night of tricks on the last night. I found my hand completely smeared with green camouflage cream for no reason at all, but seeing the state of some others...I don't think I deserve to complain.
The passing out ceremony was so simple, it felt more like a primary school assembly. In and out, and that was it; unlike my friend who's going to get a grand scale passing out parade tomorrow, there's really some form of envy when you see them marching around with pride in front of families and friends.
Leaving the bunk, I took one last look at the Raven company block, it'll be probably 11 more years before I set foot on Tekong again when it's my brother's turn to enlist. As once mentioned by someone, it's not the beginning nor the end that's memorable, but the process in between where we face our ups and downs. And that would be the 7 weeks in all for my BMT.
Raven 03/09; Pes C9 L2 - Soaring above all! :D
Everyone's a little regretful to leave but yet at the same time to get the fuck out of the hellhole known as Tekong. We may have left but we brought back "outstanding" memories, experiences and not to mention luggage. There was a last "everything" craze and even a madcap night of tricks on the last night. I found my hand completely smeared with green camouflage cream for no reason at all, but seeing the state of some others...I don't think I deserve to complain.
The passing out ceremony was so simple, it felt more like a primary school assembly. In and out, and that was it; unlike my friend who's going to get a grand scale passing out parade tomorrow, there's really some form of envy when you see them marching around with pride in front of families and friends.
Leaving the bunk, I took one last look at the Raven company block, it'll be probably 11 more years before I set foot on Tekong again when it's my brother's turn to enlist. As once mentioned by someone, it's not the beginning nor the end that's memorable, but the process in between where we face our ups and downs. And that would be the 7 weeks in all for my BMT.
Raven 03/09; Pes C9 L2 - Soaring above all! :D
05 September 2009
Almost Over
My last book in and book out will be this week, it's almost hard to believe these 7 weeks are almost over. When I first enlisted, it's like I dreaded the coming days and wished it passed by faster but now I take my words back.
On one of the last few days of the week before we had Games Day and it's unbelievable that Raven COY actually snagged the first place title in the challenge trophy. There was a lot of celebration going on that day and the cheering was almost unstoppable and overzealous. I managed to catch a glimpse of one of my friends in Ulysses COY but didn't approach him because I was worried how awkward it would be if it was the wrong person. I was however, extremely lucky to find his buddy, which I then managed to confirm it really was him.
Before the week was over, I had to get a fever. I was feeling like crap but I was forced to still continue the 10km route march. I was pretty much half dead by the time it ended, I don't know my body's limits but I'm amazed that I never collapsed all this while, yet. Initially I was told to drop out but I need to tell my duty instructor first. But his response irked me...
"37.5 degrees? Nah, it's alright, fall back in."
I had temperatures soaring to 37.9 degrees that day, lucky it was already book out day so I just hung on for as long as I could.
Pretty soon I'm going to be posted into a my new vocation, it's another restart of new environment, people and challenges again. I wonder if I can breeze through it with ease, I'll miss my old section but they won't be gone since I managed to get their contacts before today.
Life goes on.
On one of the last few days of the week before we had Games Day and it's unbelievable that Raven COY actually snagged the first place title in the challenge trophy. There was a lot of celebration going on that day and the cheering was almost unstoppable and overzealous. I managed to catch a glimpse of one of my friends in Ulysses COY but didn't approach him because I was worried how awkward it would be if it was the wrong person. I was however, extremely lucky to find his buddy, which I then managed to confirm it really was him.
Before the week was over, I had to get a fever. I was feeling like crap but I was forced to still continue the 10km route march. I was pretty much half dead by the time it ended, I don't know my body's limits but I'm amazed that I never collapsed all this while, yet. Initially I was told to drop out but I need to tell my duty instructor first. But his response irked me...
"37.5 degrees? Nah, it's alright, fall back in."
I had temperatures soaring to 37.9 degrees that day, lucky it was already book out day so I just hung on for as long as I could.
Pretty soon I'm going to be posted into a my new vocation, it's another restart of new environment, people and challenges again. I wonder if I can breeze through it with ease, I'll miss my old section but they won't be gone since I managed to get their contacts before today.
Life goes on.
29 August 2009
Alive And Kickin'
It has been a long week and yes - it did rain like fuck during field camp.
I consider it a miracle that I could survive all four days, wearing and sleeping in soggy clothes, shoes, socks and underwear is truly not fun. Washing it isn't either though I passed all the washing to my mother. I really owe her big time for this due to the intense smell, mud, dirt and soil debris from the items. Field camp is indeed the biggest exam for BMT because it tests your sanity, endurance and strength. Not surprisingly, loads of people reported sick on the first day.
The worst part was the food and digging of shellscrapes. Rations are hard to eat especially during such damp weather. Digging was crap too because of the soil structure, position and once again - weather. Mud is basically the constituent for everything in the jungle, though technically we're using an old rubber tree plantation for the field camp site.
We also had to really take good care of our equipment lest it gets 'stolen'. Some of the sergeants were really hyped in stealing our rifles, my buddy got target not only once but twice; thus resulting in guard duty (which I had to do as well because I'm his buddy). Overall, as my PC puts it, it's a very good experience. You bring back a lot of stories, experiences along with mud, rashes and extreme grueling forms of non-sanitary living conditions.
I'm so tired, I'm not even bothered to check if I left out anything. The good thing is that only about one week plus till Passing Out Parade...
I consider it a miracle that I could survive all four days, wearing and sleeping in soggy clothes, shoes, socks and underwear is truly not fun. Washing it isn't either though I passed all the washing to my mother. I really owe her big time for this due to the intense smell, mud, dirt and soil debris from the items. Field camp is indeed the biggest exam for BMT because it tests your sanity, endurance and strength. Not surprisingly, loads of people reported sick on the first day.
The worst part was the food and digging of shellscrapes. Rations are hard to eat especially during such damp weather. Digging was crap too because of the soil structure, position and once again - weather. Mud is basically the constituent for everything in the jungle, though technically we're using an old rubber tree plantation for the field camp site.
We also had to really take good care of our equipment lest it gets 'stolen'. Some of the sergeants were really hyped in stealing our rifles, my buddy got target not only once but twice; thus resulting in guard duty (which I had to do as well because I'm his buddy). Overall, as my PC puts it, it's a very good experience. You bring back a lot of stories, experiences along with mud, rashes and extreme grueling forms of non-sanitary living conditions.
I'm so tired, I'm not even bothered to check if I left out anything. The good thing is that only about one week plus till Passing Out Parade...
23 August 2009
Soggy
I'm pretty sure the weather is messing with me badly.
You have got to be pulling my leg, continuous jackpot of rain through the field camp monotony? It was never this generous when I actually wanted rain at Tekong. I love the rain...
...in the urban life, but not when I have to brave the elements. Nothing's more unpleasant than living in the rain with wet clothes, eating soggy meals and sleeping in the rain.
Is it too hard to ask what we want? Ironically in the weeks before, Tekong had pretty wonderful weather though the rain only comes 1/5 of the time and it's usually pretty light showers. But otherwise the weather was so brilliant that it's a sunbather's dream (but a torture for us in uniform).
It's only August for crying out loud, more sun over the rain. Why are things always finally on track when you don't want them to be for once? Another one of life's laments through nature, jeez...
You have got to be pulling my leg, continuous jackpot of rain through the field camp monotony? It was never this generous when I actually wanted rain at Tekong. I love the rain...
...in the urban life, but not when I have to brave the elements. Nothing's more unpleasant than living in the rain with wet clothes, eating soggy meals and sleeping in the rain.
Is it too hard to ask what we want? Ironically in the weeks before, Tekong had pretty wonderful weather though the rain only comes 1/5 of the time and it's usually pretty light showers. But otherwise the weather was so brilliant that it's a sunbather's dream (but a torture for us in uniform).
It's only August for crying out loud, more sun over the rain. Why are things always finally on track when you don't want them to be for once? Another one of life's laments through nature, jeez...
21 August 2009
Ston
The title, sounds odd but it has never occurred to me that someone would suggest reversing my nickname to the last part of name instead of the first half. Someone from my bunk said it might actually sound cooler and more original. I'm still wondering how much of a hit it might turn out to be.
"Hi, my name is Ston."
Might need some getting used to though.
I finally felt the need to purchase a MP3 player and became a proud owner of a 8GB iPod Nano.
I'm just using pictures to elaborate my point that it's awesome and considering I'm not an apple fan - it's already a hit with me. I'm using the 4th generation iPod Nano so it doesn't exactly look like that but it is still flat. At least now I can chug out tunes while being trapped on Tekong.
Speaking of which, I'm absolutely dreading the next week - it's finally field camp season. Literally, we're going to be braving the jungle for 4D/3N; it also means:
Not being able to bathe will be the worry for many since everyone sweats like buckets, and we have to lug along some dead weight and be permanently on camouflage creme until the field camp is over. Apparently, I'm told the powder SAF issued is supposed to keep your body dry - hence we have powder baths.
I haven't tried it personally but someone who experimented feedbacked it doesn't work as well as it claims...
Army life has been fun and somewhat rewarding, I'm actually thankful for some changes I see in myself and more importantly I hope it stays because I really want it that way. Although there are strict rules but they are there for a reason although some of them makes me rather paranoid.
In a nutshell, it's the image one has to uphold while wearing the smart No. 4 uniform. We're not supposed to "misbehave" while wearing that since it's supposed to be smart and we're representing the army's image as well. Sometimes I let it go to my head I simply become a rampant mess of worry.
An example would be losing count the number of people I tried to avoid bumping into while just hanging around my nearby mall. More or less I can say I almost got a heart attack and I'm thankful for my good reflexes.
"Hi, my name is Ston."
Might need some getting used to though.
I finally felt the need to purchase a MP3 player and became a proud owner of a 8GB iPod Nano.
I'm just using pictures to elaborate my point that it's awesome and considering I'm not an apple fan - it's already a hit with me. I'm using the 4th generation iPod Nano so it doesn't exactly look like that but it is still flat. At least now I can chug out tunes while being trapped on Tekong.
Speaking of which, I'm absolutely dreading the next week - it's finally field camp season. Literally, we're going to be braving the jungle for 4D/3N; it also means:
- Praying that it doesn't rain
- Making sure that bowel movements are kept minimum to none
- No wild boar encounters
- No encounters of the third kind
Not being able to bathe will be the worry for many since everyone sweats like buckets, and we have to lug along some dead weight and be permanently on camouflage creme until the field camp is over. Apparently, I'm told the powder SAF issued is supposed to keep your body dry - hence we have powder baths.
I haven't tried it personally but someone who experimented feedbacked it doesn't work as well as it claims...
Army life has been fun and somewhat rewarding, I'm actually thankful for some changes I see in myself and more importantly I hope it stays because I really want it that way. Although there are strict rules but they are there for a reason although some of them makes me rather paranoid.
In a nutshell, it's the image one has to uphold while wearing the smart No. 4 uniform. We're not supposed to "misbehave" while wearing that since it's supposed to be smart and we're representing the army's image as well. Sometimes I let it go to my head I simply become a rampant mess of worry.
An example would be losing count the number of people I tried to avoid bumping into while just hanging around my nearby mall. More or less I can say I almost got a heart attack and I'm thankful for my good reflexes.
16 August 2009
Blog Improvement
It just hit me that trying to establish a unique blog with the proper blogskins and tabs is no less hectic as compared to home improvement and house hunting. All in all, it's horribly hectic and if you did a shabby job; just as you probably don't want to write in the blog, you wouldn't want to live in a half-assed renovated house either.
I just gone through phase one of my blog improvement, at least I managed to settle down with a blogskin I'm caught dead to. But everything else remains a problems and while slapping the blog with a new face, I forgot to save my links which effectively wiped out all my links to my other friends' blogs.
That's another into the list of the stupid things we do.
So for a while, just ignore the incomplete stuff, they're still in the works though it really irks me. It's like seeing those paint buckets, new furniture, belongings and stuff jammed all over your new home. But it should be worth it in due time, I would be compelled at least to want to update more often.
I just gone through phase one of my blog improvement, at least I managed to settle down with a blogskin I'm caught dead to. But everything else remains a problems and while slapping the blog with a new face, I forgot to save my links which effectively wiped out all my links to my other friends' blogs.
That's another into the list of the stupid things we do.
So for a while, just ignore the incomplete stuff, they're still in the works though it really irks me. It's like seeing those paint buckets, new furniture, belongings and stuff jammed all over your new home. But it should be worth it in due time, I would be compelled at least to want to update more often.
15 August 2009
Life After
It's already been three weeks, BMT is passing through faster than I thought but the biggest problem is the hectic time and schedule I have planned for myself whenever I book out of Tekong.
Unpacking and packing, slacking, eating, sleeping (insert personal activities and etc here), the list is horrendously disgustingly long. BMT has been harsh but still enjoyable although the food sucks. field camp is coming soon, and everyone's worst nightmare is being in full battle order and braving the days in the jungle. I also have to worry about slip-ups that can land me in confinements or etc penalties. In fact, I think I'm due for a confinement because my number has just been taken when my sergant spotted remnants of my camouflage creme on my face due to not washing my helmet clearly.
Sucks, I have to bring extra clothing and such I guess to spend the extra day or two.
Another interesting thing is that I finally made a Facebook account, I suddenly got compelled to create an account after seeing my friends' email on Facebook for the upteenth time. I also decided to get rash and posted this blog's URL up there which means this secret blog isn't exactly serious anymore.
I got to be really discreet in what I write now, so much for being out of the box. I'm in a mess now, trying to do things here and there, I'll be lucky to even get another entry done soon before fatigue kills me. At least that's another check off my list...
Unpacking and packing, slacking, eating, sleeping (insert personal activities and etc here), the list is horrendously disgustingly long. BMT has been harsh but still enjoyable although the food sucks. field camp is coming soon, and everyone's worst nightmare is being in full battle order and braving the days in the jungle. I also have to worry about slip-ups that can land me in confinements or etc penalties. In fact, I think I'm due for a confinement because my number has just been taken when my sergant spotted remnants of my camouflage creme on my face due to not washing my helmet clearly.
Sucks, I have to bring extra clothing and such I guess to spend the extra day or two.
Another interesting thing is that I finally made a Facebook account, I suddenly got compelled to create an account after seeing my friends' email on Facebook for the upteenth time. I also decided to get rash and posted this blog's URL up there which means this secret blog isn't exactly serious anymore.
I got to be really discreet in what I write now, so much for being out of the box. I'm in a mess now, trying to do things here and there, I'll be lucky to even get another entry done soon before fatigue kills me. At least that's another check off my list...
09 August 2009
Fragile
Humans being can be demonstrate great acts and series of determined and probably once thought impossible feats but yet at the same time, the human life is as fragile as a slip of paper. Once torn it can never be put back as the same as it was before.
It's really sad that I chanced upon this in the news today - Link
The mildly surprising thing was the male victim is actually a close friend of my cousin. For what reasons did they decide to do what they did which led to their demise I am unsure, but I'm sure it hurt a lot of their loved ones.
Life is certainly unpredictable, well today and possibly gone tomorrow. This brings to mind of a song, September, by Daughtry:
We don't know what lies ahead, whether it's another tomorrow or an end - but the important lesson here is to treasure and appreciate what you have instead of thinking of what you lack. Otherwise when things happen, it becomes past tense and there's no going back.
My sincere condolences to the victims and their families and friends out there.
It's really sad that I chanced upon this in the news today - Link
The mildly surprising thing was the male victim is actually a close friend of my cousin. For what reasons did they decide to do what they did which led to their demise I am unsure, but I'm sure it hurt a lot of their loved ones.
Life is certainly unpredictable, well today and possibly gone tomorrow. This brings to mind of a song, September, by Daughtry:
"Yeah we knew we had to lose this time
But we never knew when, and we never knew how
We would end up where we are
Yeah we knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when, and we never knew how
Never knew anything"
But we never knew when, and we never knew how
We would end up where we are
Yeah we knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when, and we never knew how
Never knew anything"
We don't know what lies ahead, whether it's another tomorrow or an end - but the important lesson here is to treasure and appreciate what you have instead of thinking of what you lack. Otherwise when things happen, it becomes past tense and there's no going back.
My sincere condolences to the victims and their families and friends out there.
08 August 2009
Been there and back
The first day and the last day is always the longest.
Two weeks really blazed through like it was nothing, I'm finally back home again after spending some time in Tekong serving my National Service. Of course, I'm required to go back again this coming Sunday which is why I'm saving sleep for later because there's always time for those. Army changed me a bit, I won't say it gave me a 360 degree turnover but it has changed some aspect of things of me. The discipline, the responsibility, following rules and knowing the reasons for their existence somethings like that. If going to a Polytechnic meant you had to grow up fast, going to NS probably meant you had to grow up immediately.
It's a brand new environment and experience for me as guys like me have to deal with strict rules and training, albeit reasonable. My section is a fun bunch and I have pretty much gotten used to all except my buddy, which is ironic. One side of me wished to know him more while the other just dreaded it. He looks and acts serious, and strongly takes his buddy role seriously. He's not exactly a conversation starter either, in fact - I could say I know little or nothing about him and vice versa.
Awkward I know, but eventually I want this weird relationship to restart and get on with it. The ice between is still hard and I can't seem to break through.
And then there's the hardships, the physical fatigues, the "horrible" food, having to pick up new and vital lessons fast. This is especially another barrier of mine considering I'm a slow learner. I would still get there, just slower, but I can't afford to stop just yet. I really hope I can quicken my pace too, and I think I have at least shared this issue with my Platoon Commander.
Speaking of superiors, as long you don't cross the line or step on their tails, they can be pretty cool and funny people. Respect is also the main lesson I had to remember here, there can be actually a myriad of ways where you can unknowingly show disrespect to someone, something I found out during my stay there.
But despite the minor setbacks here and there, I'm pretty confident that I can breeze through this seven weeks, after all two weeks have already flown by. Booking out is an odd experience too, when you haven't seen home for a while, familiar sights seem totally out of place. I took an MRT home bewildered at my sights, it was pretty amusing for me.
This Sunday my section has to do guard duty, I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm a night owl anyway and it'll be pretty cool to stay up the night walking around of course, I can't totally slack.
After all - this is the army.
Two weeks really blazed through like it was nothing, I'm finally back home again after spending some time in Tekong serving my National Service. Of course, I'm required to go back again this coming Sunday which is why I'm saving sleep for later because there's always time for those. Army changed me a bit, I won't say it gave me a 360 degree turnover but it has changed some aspect of things of me. The discipline, the responsibility, following rules and knowing the reasons for their existence somethings like that. If going to a Polytechnic meant you had to grow up fast, going to NS probably meant you had to grow up immediately.
It's a brand new environment and experience for me as guys like me have to deal with strict rules and training, albeit reasonable. My section is a fun bunch and I have pretty much gotten used to all except my buddy, which is ironic. One side of me wished to know him more while the other just dreaded it. He looks and acts serious, and strongly takes his buddy role seriously. He's not exactly a conversation starter either, in fact - I could say I know little or nothing about him and vice versa.
Awkward I know, but eventually I want this weird relationship to restart and get on with it. The ice between is still hard and I can't seem to break through.
And then there's the hardships, the physical fatigues, the "horrible" food, having to pick up new and vital lessons fast. This is especially another barrier of mine considering I'm a slow learner. I would still get there, just slower, but I can't afford to stop just yet. I really hope I can quicken my pace too, and I think I have at least shared this issue with my Platoon Commander.
Speaking of superiors, as long you don't cross the line or step on their tails, they can be pretty cool and funny people. Respect is also the main lesson I had to remember here, there can be actually a myriad of ways where you can unknowingly show disrespect to someone, something I found out during my stay there.
But despite the minor setbacks here and there, I'm pretty confident that I can breeze through this seven weeks, after all two weeks have already flown by. Booking out is an odd experience too, when you haven't seen home for a while, familiar sights seem totally out of place. I took an MRT home bewildered at my sights, it was pretty amusing for me.
This Sunday my section has to do guard duty, I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm a night owl anyway and it'll be pretty cool to stay up the night walking around of course, I can't totally slack.
After all - this is the army.
23 July 2009
Insight
I really should start jotting down what I pick up over reading webcomics nowadays, the morals learned seemed to not make sense but yet it does in the right moment.
1) Maturity is knowing that you were an idiot in the past
2) Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future
3) Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now
My contribution - we're probably being idiotic at sometime in our life then.
1) Maturity is knowing that you were an idiot in the past
2) Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future
3) Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now
My contribution - we're probably being idiotic at sometime in our life then.
22 July 2009
Restart
A series of incidents finally came and passed like a storm, I'll spare the details but everything's back the way it should have been. I'm suddenly so nostalgic about my time left as a free man because I'm about to sell two years of my life to the country as I'll be serving National Service on this Friday onwards. The weeks before has been nothing but outings, in fact more than I could ever count since the start of this year.
I've been hanging out with close friends, making new friends and spending money - hey nobody said going out was cheap. Well, the price was taking my social circle to the next level which I'm glad to say at least that it's not regrettable. It really does my heart good that people will be missing me at least while I complete seven weeks of BMT on the island offshore. Although I personally think my mom is over exaggerating about how much she would miss me for not seeing me for a whole two weeks (we're not allowed to go home in the first two weeks). She's always saying how I'm not really independent yet she clearly doesn't want to let go of her apron strings, it's a real irony but that's a mother's love.
Tekong, the name of the island, is going to be a brand new start in my life once again. Feels like starting on the first day of primary school all over again; totally no idea what's in store ahead, the people you'll meet, the challenges ahead. Heck, the island's infamous for a lot of hauntings, that's another hefty worry that will scare the pants out of any light hearted souls. And what's worst is that my seven week BMT coincides with the Hungry Ghost Festival, so I also hope everything goes bodes well for me. When it comes to the supernatural, the only two survival advice comes to mind:
1) Respect others - Ghosts are still considered an individual, have respect for them and they are not likely to bother you
2) Don't find unnecessary trouble - With regards to the previous point plus, if there's an unclean area, be cautious and not let the overly adventurous spirit take over
3) Carry a strong heart - As long you are pure of heart, there's really nothing to fear about
When people said Polytechnic was the place where you had to grow up fast, in comparison, NS was like the place it prepares you to live your own fast. After two years of this, I expect probably an overhaul to basically everything about me. I'm always wishing if it's ever possible to meet up with your older self in advance to find out if everything's going alright for one.
I'm actually feeling a little bit excited for once again in my life.
I've been hanging out with close friends, making new friends and spending money - hey nobody said going out was cheap. Well, the price was taking my social circle to the next level which I'm glad to say at least that it's not regrettable. It really does my heart good that people will be missing me at least while I complete seven weeks of BMT on the island offshore. Although I personally think my mom is over exaggerating about how much she would miss me for not seeing me for a whole two weeks (we're not allowed to go home in the first two weeks). She's always saying how I'm not really independent yet she clearly doesn't want to let go of her apron strings, it's a real irony but that's a mother's love.
Tekong, the name of the island, is going to be a brand new start in my life once again. Feels like starting on the first day of primary school all over again; totally no idea what's in store ahead, the people you'll meet, the challenges ahead. Heck, the island's infamous for a lot of hauntings, that's another hefty worry that will scare the pants out of any light hearted souls. And what's worst is that my seven week BMT coincides with the Hungry Ghost Festival, so I also hope everything goes bodes well for me. When it comes to the supernatural, the only two survival advice comes to mind:
1) Respect others - Ghosts are still considered an individual, have respect for them and they are not likely to bother you
2) Don't find unnecessary trouble - With regards to the previous point plus, if there's an unclean area, be cautious and not let the overly adventurous spirit take over
3) Carry a strong heart - As long you are pure of heart, there's really nothing to fear about
When people said Polytechnic was the place where you had to grow up fast, in comparison, NS was like the place it prepares you to live your own fast. After two years of this, I expect probably an overhaul to basically everything about me. I'm always wishing if it's ever possible to meet up with your older self in advance to find out if everything's going alright for one.
I'm actually feeling a little bit excited for once again in my life.
13 July 2009
It's no surprise
After waiting for seemingly an eternity, I rose to bait by replying to the SMS. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all, even though I tried as possible to make a sincere apology and an even-headed message warranting for peace between both parties. I had a churn in the gut and couldn't sleep well the same night.
Not surprising, I never received any replies since and it's been a few days. B should be still on his top.
I never felt so empty in my entire whole existence, I must have blown it pretty big because I'm finally being hated and expressed it by someone close. I was never in the shoes of being hated seeing how I could use the word "I hate..." easily and was even in a feud with my very own sibiling for a few years, to the point I haven't spoken to ever since. Though the tension has died, but a few years of absence has driven communication to a sizzle, it's like I'm already no longer familiar to her despite living in the same house.
Would that be the ultimate future between me and B?
Seeking for advice and solace, I seeked for A and another friend whom we're close to which I'll name, C. The thing is also, A and C also had a couple of rough days with B recent of the late. But both has already emerged unscathed today except for me. It seems like time could heal all wounds, but can it heal all scars? For one bad comparison is that my severity is not on the same level as theirs. And also seeing A's situation, it doesn't seem B would give him up after all. That was something I'm thankfully relieved for.
It wasn't before long when I figured out B's next course of action - I got blocked on MSN. After not seemingly being able to see him online over a course of a few days, I asked A out of curiosity whether is B online. Not surprisingly, A told me in that B's status is online but doesn't reply when he speaks to him. My heart sunk a bit deeper but at least I was able to confirm one fact again.
Time and time again, I was given hope and then seemed to be snatched from it again. If this was a form of punishment too, I'll gladly think it's enough because it's really heart wrenching. Today he uploaded a recent blogpost and after reading it initially I was crumbled but then I realized he was referring to another person. The scary coincidence here is about the sensitive trigger as well so I can't confirm he's not talking about me either. I know I may be scaring myself too much, but I really cannot bear the thought of it that it might come to this way. I'm currently drowning my mood into music therapy, with a couple of strangely aptly named mp3 in my list....
I'm just going to take things in my stride now, and leave most of it to Fate and time. In time, even the scars would feel no more pain, just becoming a reminder it happened and we lived it through
Not surprising, I never received any replies since and it's been a few days. B should be still on his top.
I never felt so empty in my entire whole existence, I must have blown it pretty big because I'm finally being hated and expressed it by someone close. I was never in the shoes of being hated seeing how I could use the word "I hate..." easily and was even in a feud with my very own sibiling for a few years, to the point I haven't spoken to ever since. Though the tension has died, but a few years of absence has driven communication to a sizzle, it's like I'm already no longer familiar to her despite living in the same house.
Would that be the ultimate future between me and B?
Seeking for advice and solace, I seeked for A and another friend whom we're close to which I'll name, C. The thing is also, A and C also had a couple of rough days with B recent of the late. But both has already emerged unscathed today except for me. It seems like time could heal all wounds, but can it heal all scars? For one bad comparison is that my severity is not on the same level as theirs. And also seeing A's situation, it doesn't seem B would give him up after all. That was something I'm thankfully relieved for.
It wasn't before long when I figured out B's next course of action - I got blocked on MSN. After not seemingly being able to see him online over a course of a few days, I asked A out of curiosity whether is B online. Not surprisingly, A told me in that B's status is online but doesn't reply when he speaks to him. My heart sunk a bit deeper but at least I was able to confirm one fact again.
Time and time again, I was given hope and then seemed to be snatched from it again. If this was a form of punishment too, I'll gladly think it's enough because it's really heart wrenching. Today he uploaded a recent blogpost and after reading it initially I was crumbled but then I realized he was referring to another person. The scary coincidence here is about the sensitive trigger as well so I can't confirm he's not talking about me either. I know I may be scaring myself too much, but I really cannot bear the thought of it that it might come to this way. I'm currently drowning my mood into music therapy, with a couple of strangely aptly named mp3 in my list....
- No Surprise - Daughtry
- Over You - Daughtry
- Over It - Katherine McPhee
- Over - Lindsay Lohan
- Fuck You - Lily Allen
I'm just going to take things in my stride now, and leave most of it to Fate and time. In time, even the scars would feel no more pain, just becoming a reminder it happened and we lived it through
11 July 2009
Spiralling Down
The title has never been more apt for today's entry. Indeed, my friendship, decisions and attitude is spiralling a relationship out of control to no return, in a bad way. I'll just name him 'B' and another friend of ours involved, 'A'.
B has been a close friend since a few years ago, so by know I already knew how his temperament is like already though I have no idea he knows about mine. Basically, he can be a good friend but at the same time, a nasty enemy too though if you don't bug him he won't bug you. That aside, he's a fun person to hang along, a very emotional and melodramatic person - to the point anger and depression can really wrack his nerves. Pretty much, it also means he's quick to anger/sadden though he doesn't hold grudges for long. He really brings sensitivity to the next level, very straightforward, so it's obvious that whatever you think and do, make sure one thinks it through yes?
A is a friend both of us knew, though he knew B first and they're literally close as brothers. Being older, naturally B really cares a lot about A. It's only recently that I got to knew A through B as well, but our friendship is no way comparable to the level of A and B itself. He's a very fun person to hang about, everything he does he really wants to make everyone happy. Though sometimes his incessant jokes might generally make people laugh or annoy a little. And whenever he gets hooked to a new pet phrase, he usually keeps speaking about it non-stop, like his current pet phrase - "Pork".
Well here goes the story...
Through the recent outing, I learned that A doesn't understand or speak Chinese or any dialects despite being a chinese and living in Singapore. I decided to teach him a bit of Hokkien out of interest for fun, and part of it allowing him to understand if he's being insulted or not - so hence, we begun with Hokkien vulgarities. Not surprisingly, he beguns to use a couple of them incessantly. And this soon travelled to B's ears so B rang me up about this issue. Apparently, I have no idea that A is also under B's responsibility, so if A's mother realized he has picked up something unhealthy and bad just by hanging out with B, B would be in for hell and who knows what kind of predicament. Not taking it seriously, I countered with some insensitive and irresponsible remarks that I have soon forgotten about, and I don't wish to remember either.
That was a really bad move.
I apologized in exasperation and after that we cut contact for a while. And after a day or two after the incident, I was in MSN video call with A. We're just talking about random topics and particularly discussing why there was a need for using a video call over a conversation that was easily accomplishable over MSN itself. My webcam/microphone on my laptop wasn't working anyway so it was one sided meaning I could see and hear A but he could not do otherwise. Out of the blue, his phone rang and it turned out to be B. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but then his microphone was still turned on and I was still faced with A talking to B in front of me. And it wasn't long before I realized where the conversation between A and B was going to - me.
Feeling a bit upset, disturbed, confused and refusing to hear further, I aplogized hastily for eavesdropping and disconnected the video call. A also realized this and had tried to go somewhere else to talk before I disconnected. After a while, A apologized to me that I had to hear that, I tried to ignore the conversation and assured I was fine. And all the while, B has no idea that his phone call had occurred in between our video call, and I wished things stayed that way. But trouble was far from over...
Today, after I came home from dinner, my sister passed me back my handphone stating about a serious SMS and phone call I had received earlier. She had brought out my phone for an occasion so I was unable to access my handphone for a few hours. I had a sick gut feeling about the message and guessed it was from B.
It was indeed.
Fear and tension wrapped all over me as I read it, in fact it sounded more like an ultimatum than just a message of explanation. Being the straightforward person he is, he had no problem conveying whatever he wished to speak of. Not surprisingly, my remarks from back then still irked him to the core, and it was so bad to the point - whenever A mentioned me in front of B, he can't help but be pissed off. It's implied he's also a bit jealous of me, I have no wish or whatsoever of replacing B's place in A's life and I certainly know A knew that B is irreplaceable as well. As of now - this is what I saw from the ultimatum...
"He can choose his friends and if feels u are way better, I will let him go."
I never had a spine chill for a while, and just reading this line sends horror all over me. I knew he was sensitive and I was rude and in the wrong for capitalizing on his responsibility but I was shocked at this. It's almost I'm forced to come to a simple decision:
That is to stop being friends with A.
I value both our friendships, both A and B and I definitely didn't want anything to go awry between A and B because of me. I'm extremely torn and confused between the two, what seemed just a sentence had a tremendous impact over me, exaggerating it might sound but this is truly how I felt. I have no one else to turn to, save for another friend who I wanted to be a listener and possibly give me some sound advice. And if I shared this with A or another friend we both knew, it seems like I'm to the verge of being pathetic to seek sympathy votes to change his mind. I really have no evil intentions here, but simply just for things to return to normal, but given the state of current affairs, it seems like it's extremely difficult to.
In a small way I'm glad my sister brought out by handphone so I didn't have access to his phone call because I would be frightenned at what he's going to voice out, or what I'm expected to respond. At this juncture, I have refrained from contact with him...I'm scared to, I don't want to face the conclusion.
What am I supposed to do?
B has been a close friend since a few years ago, so by know I already knew how his temperament is like already though I have no idea he knows about mine. Basically, he can be a good friend but at the same time, a nasty enemy too though if you don't bug him he won't bug you. That aside, he's a fun person to hang along, a very emotional and melodramatic person - to the point anger and depression can really wrack his nerves. Pretty much, it also means he's quick to anger/sadden though he doesn't hold grudges for long. He really brings sensitivity to the next level, very straightforward, so it's obvious that whatever you think and do, make sure one thinks it through yes?
A is a friend both of us knew, though he knew B first and they're literally close as brothers. Being older, naturally B really cares a lot about A. It's only recently that I got to knew A through B as well, but our friendship is no way comparable to the level of A and B itself. He's a very fun person to hang about, everything he does he really wants to make everyone happy. Though sometimes his incessant jokes might generally make people laugh or annoy a little. And whenever he gets hooked to a new pet phrase, he usually keeps speaking about it non-stop, like his current pet phrase - "Pork".
Well here goes the story...
Through the recent outing, I learned that A doesn't understand or speak Chinese or any dialects despite being a chinese and living in Singapore. I decided to teach him a bit of Hokkien out of interest for fun, and part of it allowing him to understand if he's being insulted or not - so hence, we begun with Hokkien vulgarities. Not surprisingly, he beguns to use a couple of them incessantly. And this soon travelled to B's ears so B rang me up about this issue. Apparently, I have no idea that A is also under B's responsibility, so if A's mother realized he has picked up something unhealthy and bad just by hanging out with B, B would be in for hell and who knows what kind of predicament. Not taking it seriously, I countered with some insensitive and irresponsible remarks that I have soon forgotten about, and I don't wish to remember either.
That was a really bad move.
I apologized in exasperation and after that we cut contact for a while. And after a day or two after the incident, I was in MSN video call with A. We're just talking about random topics and particularly discussing why there was a need for using a video call over a conversation that was easily accomplishable over MSN itself. My webcam/microphone on my laptop wasn't working anyway so it was one sided meaning I could see and hear A but he could not do otherwise. Out of the blue, his phone rang and it turned out to be B. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but then his microphone was still turned on and I was still faced with A talking to B in front of me. And it wasn't long before I realized where the conversation between A and B was going to - me.
Feeling a bit upset, disturbed, confused and refusing to hear further, I aplogized hastily for eavesdropping and disconnected the video call. A also realized this and had tried to go somewhere else to talk before I disconnected. After a while, A apologized to me that I had to hear that, I tried to ignore the conversation and assured I was fine. And all the while, B has no idea that his phone call had occurred in between our video call, and I wished things stayed that way. But trouble was far from over...
Today, after I came home from dinner, my sister passed me back my handphone stating about a serious SMS and phone call I had received earlier. She had brought out my phone for an occasion so I was unable to access my handphone for a few hours. I had a sick gut feeling about the message and guessed it was from B.
It was indeed.
Fear and tension wrapped all over me as I read it, in fact it sounded more like an ultimatum than just a message of explanation. Being the straightforward person he is, he had no problem conveying whatever he wished to speak of. Not surprisingly, my remarks from back then still irked him to the core, and it was so bad to the point - whenever A mentioned me in front of B, he can't help but be pissed off. It's implied he's also a bit jealous of me, I have no wish or whatsoever of replacing B's place in A's life and I certainly know A knew that B is irreplaceable as well. As of now - this is what I saw from the ultimatum...
"He can choose his friends and if feels u are way better, I will let him go."
I never had a spine chill for a while, and just reading this line sends horror all over me. I knew he was sensitive and I was rude and in the wrong for capitalizing on his responsibility but I was shocked at this. It's almost I'm forced to come to a simple decision:
That is to stop being friends with A.
I value both our friendships, both A and B and I definitely didn't want anything to go awry between A and B because of me. I'm extremely torn and confused between the two, what seemed just a sentence had a tremendous impact over me, exaggerating it might sound but this is truly how I felt. I have no one else to turn to, save for another friend who I wanted to be a listener and possibly give me some sound advice. And if I shared this with A or another friend we both knew, it seems like I'm to the verge of being pathetic to seek sympathy votes to change his mind. I really have no evil intentions here, but simply just for things to return to normal, but given the state of current affairs, it seems like it's extremely difficult to.
In a small way I'm glad my sister brought out by handphone so I didn't have access to his phone call because I would be frightenned at what he's going to voice out, or what I'm expected to respond. At this juncture, I have refrained from contact with him...I'm scared to, I don't want to face the conclusion.
What am I supposed to do?
27 February 2009
Root canal survivor
I'll be damned if I didn't blog about this, I had my first root canal today (not like there would be more next time but...) and I survived it! But I have to say even after all the beforehand research I did and even consulted a dentist friend, I was pretty nervous while being on the chair. The incessant shivering and shaking was apparent, even the dentist could see it. I tried to tell myself it was nothing, especially with the anaesthetic and all but my body said otherwise.
There was a lot going on during the entire process, even though I was numb to pain but the drilling sounds and sensation were enough to spook me. I tried not to look at the reflection of the glass or plastic from my surroundings that could let me have a clear vision of my mouth. Among all, I think the part where the dentist was cleaning the canal with a screw-like toothpick was the freakiest part.
Even now, the sound scares me. It's somewhere close to nails scrapping across chalkboard.
The entire process took about an hour, give or take and after that it was just the numbing aftertaste to deal with. I still gotta come back within 3 weeks or so to let them check how the tooth's doing. As of now, there's medicine inside the tooth, if my ears didn't fail me I thought I heard Calcium Hydroxide. And yes the bill was hefty - about 390+ dollars, god.
This is why you should always keep your teeth clean, even though the dentist herself said she had no idea how this tooth of mine became like that even with filling. Then there's the wisdom tooth issue but I don't really want to go there...
There was a lot going on during the entire process, even though I was numb to pain but the drilling sounds and sensation were enough to spook me. I tried not to look at the reflection of the glass or plastic from my surroundings that could let me have a clear vision of my mouth. Among all, I think the part where the dentist was cleaning the canal with a screw-like toothpick was the freakiest part.
Even now, the sound scares me. It's somewhere close to nails scrapping across chalkboard.
The entire process took about an hour, give or take and after that it was just the numbing aftertaste to deal with. I still gotta come back within 3 weeks or so to let them check how the tooth's doing. As of now, there's medicine inside the tooth, if my ears didn't fail me I thought I heard Calcium Hydroxide. And yes the bill was hefty - about 390+ dollars, god.
This is why you should always keep your teeth clean, even though the dentist herself said she had no idea how this tooth of mine became like that even with filling. Then there's the wisdom tooth issue but I don't really want to go there...
11 February 2009
Tired of it all...
Seems like a lot has happened since I last posted, I'm really very tired over every bits and pieces of things. Sometimes I just want to walk away from it all but I really can't either because it's just hard to escape from or it's shirking of responsibilities. I'm going to NS soon, wonder how life in the barracks will be like, call it a blessing or a curse but I managed to be graded a Pes C9L2, which is not exactly very good.
I need to push myself to blog out my thoughts, sometimes I think that my head does a better job of keeping track of such issues than blogging. But then again, I'm messed up.
No idea what I'm talking about again.
I need to push myself to blog out my thoughts, sometimes I think that my head does a better job of keeping track of such issues than blogging. But then again, I'm messed up.
No idea what I'm talking about again.
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