28 July 2010
Free Trip
I'm going on another guilt trip again, I take too many of these trips more than I ever need.
10 July 2010
Over
She has made her final stand, albeit through her representative. I can give up now, though sadly, bit by bit, hatred has seeped in, oozing all over the image I once held over her. My friend, the one I knew from back then, is dead and never coming back. The current her I do not recognize, as she does of me too.
I have to accept this irreplaceable truth and bear it in mind. He called again and I wasn't expecting it, everytime I hear him ramble; I lose it. I only forced myself to hear some vague parts like leaving his beloved friends alone, and other stuff not worth mentioning. Basically for the rest of the one sided conversation, the phone was at an arm's length away from my ear.
Once again, I got shot into the heart, deep and head on. It's definitely over, there were other friendly warnings but I didn't want to listen further as I had no interest in any of them. I don't understand what went wrong, bad luck? Misunderstanding?
I probably could never have any answer, just like how we have no answer why there's life and death. It just continues it's cycle, slowly, surely and never ending.
I have to accept this irreplaceable truth and bear it in mind. He called again and I wasn't expecting it, everytime I hear him ramble; I lose it. I only forced myself to hear some vague parts like leaving his beloved friends alone, and other stuff not worth mentioning. Basically for the rest of the one sided conversation, the phone was at an arm's length away from my ear.
Once again, I got shot into the heart, deep and head on. It's definitely over, there were other friendly warnings but I didn't want to listen further as I had no interest in any of them. I don't understand what went wrong, bad luck? Misunderstanding?
I probably could never have any answer, just like how we have no answer why there's life and death. It just continues it's cycle, slowly, surely and never ending.
Resolute
Everytime I try to back away, somehow something within stirs me and I end up crawling back to it again. Lack of self discipline and awareness, truly pathetic but I just got a soft spot - for hurting myself. I sought the advice of many and from the results, I am really in denial and a stubborn old goat. I just don't want it to end, I never felt so hurt and dissatisfied my whole life, maybe this how people contemplating suicide felt moments before they went for it.
But I don't want to be like them, I'm still holding on. It's not worth in the end to give up everything for something so far away on the moon, and probably never coming back. The saying could never be more apt:
"In prosperity, our friends know us. In adversity, we know our friends."
I was really touched and amazed by the fact, I could really see the truth out of my 183 friends on facebook. I wasn't expecting much replies nor attention, I couldn't say I felt worse, but i definitely got spurred up a bit more.
My friend's getting hitched tomorrow, but at the same time, my source of agony stems from questioning out friendship. As a mutual friend speaks, if it's truly over, let it be. I can't gratify myself any further with delusions or false hopes, I can only wait or possibly move on. I already lost one in a moment of folly, now I lost another in carelessness.
I need to be strong, the sky cries with me tonight.
But I don't want to be like them, I'm still holding on. It's not worth in the end to give up everything for something so far away on the moon, and probably never coming back. The saying could never be more apt:
"In prosperity, our friends know us. In adversity, we know our friends."
I was really touched and amazed by the fact, I could really see the truth out of my 183 friends on facebook. I wasn't expecting much replies nor attention, I couldn't say I felt worse, but i definitely got spurred up a bit more.
My friend's getting hitched tomorrow, but at the same time, my source of agony stems from questioning out friendship. As a mutual friend speaks, if it's truly over, let it be. I can't gratify myself any further with delusions or false hopes, I can only wait or possibly move on. I already lost one in a moment of folly, now I lost another in carelessness.
I need to be strong, the sky cries with me tonight.
07 July 2010
FF XVI
Talking about the online games market, frankly, it's been a while since we saw a good one. The better ones are still slated for release while the best ones are still in hatching process. Luckily, another game that I have been eyeing a while is definitely guaranteed not to disappoint is on the verge of hatching. Square Enix is on the move to launch Final Fantasy XIV this fall (Septemeber) 2010.
It's a step up from it's counterpart XI, and the graphics are stellar and reminiscence of it's previous predecessors. In fact, it suddenly makes Aion look less than impressive, brutally kicking it aside to the curb. The preview soundtracks of the in-game music is faithfully blended towards the typical Final Fantasy style, any game that maxes out it's graphical and musical attraction is definitely a priority on my list.
Possibly the only other unreleased title that could be on par with FFXIV at the moment would be Blade & Soul. But otherwise, both are long awaited titles with the excellent previews and sneak peek, it makes NCsoft and Blizzard become half-ass worry warts.
The game also centrals around some races, apparently with the most human looking of races, the Hyur as their poster boy. Interestingly, he's also what you would see on the standard edition of the CD set. The other races are very fantasy themed, revolving around demon hybrids, midget elves, bipedal animal hybrids and giants for inspiration. Those who have played Asmodians in Aion would find the Elezen strangely familiar; without the red glowing eyes and furbacks.
Subscription fees wise, it seems there's talk they maybe reusing the same rates as they did for Final Fantasy XI. Doing some math, it's definitely cheaper than what I have been paying NCsoft for my Aion subscription. Looks like it's time to jump ship, and my friend's already miles ahead by pre-ordering the Collector's Edition, which has some juicy bonuses the Standard Edition will be missing out. One of which would be starting the game 8 days earlier than the rest.
I'm already wet with anticipation just thinking about the game. Square Enix never disappoints!
It's a step up from it's counterpart XI, and the graphics are stellar and reminiscence of it's previous predecessors. In fact, it suddenly makes Aion look less than impressive, brutally kicking it aside to the curb. The preview soundtracks of the in-game music is faithfully blended towards the typical Final Fantasy style, any game that maxes out it's graphical and musical attraction is definitely a priority on my list.
Possibly the only other unreleased title that could be on par with FFXIV at the moment would be Blade & Soul. But otherwise, both are long awaited titles with the excellent previews and sneak peek, it makes NCsoft and Blizzard become half-ass worry warts.
The game also centrals around some races, apparently with the most human looking of races, the Hyur as their poster boy. Interestingly, he's also what you would see on the standard edition of the CD set. The other races are very fantasy themed, revolving around demon hybrids, midget elves, bipedal animal hybrids and giants for inspiration. Those who have played Asmodians in Aion would find the Elezen strangely familiar; without the red glowing eyes and furbacks.
Subscription fees wise, it seems there's talk they maybe reusing the same rates as they did for Final Fantasy XI. Doing some math, it's definitely cheaper than what I have been paying NCsoft for my Aion subscription. Looks like it's time to jump ship, and my friend's already miles ahead by pre-ordering the Collector's Edition, which has some juicy bonuses the Standard Edition will be missing out. One of which would be starting the game 8 days earlier than the rest.
I'm already wet with anticipation just thinking about the game. Square Enix never disappoints!
Torment
I really have to take a break soon, I can't stay pent up with all this nuclear stress in me. In fact it's been ages since I took a decent leave, and today, I just broke the record among the guys for knocking off work the latest - the record, 11.40pm.
Absolutely shitty. Needless to say, I had to do duty since I was the only NSF left.
Physical stress aside, I'm also dealing with mental stress. It's not enough to warrant a suicide, but I just really want to blow it all away and move on. Unfortunately it's hard, it's true, we only come to self-realization of our actions after the storm blows over; but the losses are immense.
An ex-friend's friend died on Monday, cause of death - suicide. He didn't know, he didn't know me anymore. In retrospect, I could just forget about it and let him discover it on his own. Deep down, something "bit" me, I couldn't stand it. In the end, I told a mutual friend to relay the news of death, right thing to do? I don't know, I probably saw it as a proper favour for one last time since I was brushed away abruptly from his life. And I was debating with this mutual friend about moving on, but in the end; it's not easy and you can't talk unless you have personally been through an experience.
As everything else goes, it seems I haven't moved on. I may be still alive, but the direction my heart is dragging me, I may be as good as dead.
Absolutely shitty. Needless to say, I had to do duty since I was the only NSF left.
Physical stress aside, I'm also dealing with mental stress. It's not enough to warrant a suicide, but I just really want to blow it all away and move on. Unfortunately it's hard, it's true, we only come to self-realization of our actions after the storm blows over; but the losses are immense.
An ex-friend's friend died on Monday, cause of death - suicide. He didn't know, he didn't know me anymore. In retrospect, I could just forget about it and let him discover it on his own. Deep down, something "bit" me, I couldn't stand it. In the end, I told a mutual friend to relay the news of death, right thing to do? I don't know, I probably saw it as a proper favour for one last time since I was brushed away abruptly from his life. And I was debating with this mutual friend about moving on, but in the end; it's not easy and you can't talk unless you have personally been through an experience.
As everything else goes, it seems I haven't moved on. I may be still alive, but the direction my heart is dragging me, I may be as good as dead.
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