It's no surprise

After waiting for seemingly an eternity, I rose to bait by replying to the SMS. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all, even though I tried as possible to make a sincere apology and an even-headed message warranting for peace between both parties. I had a churn in the gut and couldn't sleep well the same night.

Not surprising, I never received any replies since and it's been a few days. B should be still on his top.

I never felt so empty in my entire whole existence, I must have blown it pretty big because I'm finally being hated and expressed it by someone close. I was never in the shoes of being hated seeing how I could use the word "I hate..." easily and was even in a feud with my very own sibiling for a few years, to the point I haven't spoken to ever since. Though the tension has died, but a few years of absence has driven communication to a sizzle, it's like I'm already no longer familiar to her despite living in the same house.

Would that be the ultimate future between me and B?

Seeking for advice and solace, I seeked for A and another friend whom we're close to which I'll name, C. The thing is also, A and C also had a couple of rough days with B recent of the late. But both has already emerged unscathed today except for me. It seems like time could heal all wounds, but can it heal all scars? For one bad comparison is that my severity is not on the same level as theirs. And also seeing A's situation, it doesn't seem B would give him up after all. That was something I'm thankfully relieved for.

It wasn't before long when I figured out B's next course of action - I got blocked on MSN. After not seemingly being able to see him online over a course of a few days, I asked A out of curiosity whether is B online. Not surprisingly, A told me in that B's status is online but doesn't reply when he speaks to him. My heart sunk a bit deeper but at least I was able to confirm one fact again.

Time and time again, I was given hope and then seemed to be snatched from it again. If this was a form of punishment too, I'll gladly think it's enough because it's really heart wrenching. Today he uploaded a recent blogpost and after reading it initially I was crumbled but then I realized he was referring to another person. The scary coincidence here is about the sensitive trigger as well so I can't confirm he's not talking about me either. I know I may be scaring myself too much, but I really cannot bear the thought of it that it might come to this way. I'm currently drowning my mood into music therapy, with a couple of strangely aptly named mp3 in my list....

1. No Surprise - Daughtry
2. Over You - Daughtry
3. Over It - Katherine McPhee
4. Over - Lindsay Lohan
5. Fuck You - Lily Allen
   

I'm just going to take things in my stride now, and leave most of it to Fate and time. In time, even the scars would feel no more pain, just becoming a reminder it happened and we lived it through