Resolute

Everytime I try to back away, somehow something within stirs me and I end up crawling back to it again. Lack of self discipline and awareness, truly pathetic but I just got a soft spot - for hurting myself. I sought the advice of many and from the results, I am really in denial and a stubborn old goat. I just don't want it to end, I never felt so hurt and dissatisfied my whole life, maybe this how people contemplating suicide felt moments before they went for it.

But I don't want to be like them, I'm still holding on. It's not worth in the end to give up everything for something so far away on the moon, and probably never coming back. The saying could never be more apt:

"In prosperity, our friends know us. In adversity, we know our friends."

I was really touched and amazed by the fact, I could really see the truth out of my 183 friends on facebook. I wasn't expecting much replies nor attention, I couldn't say I felt worse, but i definitely got spurred up a bit more.

My friend's getting hitched tomorrow, but at the same time, my source of agony stems from questioning out friendship. As a mutual friend speaks, if it's truly over, let it be. I can't gratify myself any further with delusions or false hopes, I can only wait or possibly move on. I already lost one in a moment of folly, now I lost another in carelessness.

I need to be strong, the sky cries with me tonight.